The Other Side of You
by Lil Miss Golden Eyes
Summary: For people who are sick and tired of Edward Cullen being so god damn perfect! Edward and Bella have been in an 'on/off' relationship for years. What happens when Edward turns up to Bella's birthday dinner two hours late and drunk off his ass? Very OOC
1. Spice Girls and Surgeons

Summary: 'The Other Side of You'

For people who are sick and tired of Edward Cullen being so god damn perfect! :)

Edward and Bella have been in an 'on/off' relationship for years. What happens when Edward turns up to Bella's birthday dinner two hours late and drunk off his ass?

Bella kicks him to the curb of course!

Watch as a newly single Edward crosses paths with an enchanting Alice, and falls under her spell. Will Alice be able to change him, and what will Bella do when she sees the new and improved Edward?

AU – All Human OOC E/B and E/A

I'd Like to thank my beta Red Summer for turning my mess into something pretty :)

* * *

Chapter 1 – Spice Girls and Surgeons

**EPOV**

Edward Cullen's all time favourite karaoke number was The Spice Girl's 'Wannabe,' which he was currently performing with a certain amount of panache.

"…ziga zig ahhhhh!" he bellowed.

His cheerleaders, and best friends, Jasper and Emmett were always very encouraging of his vocal talents (or lack there of). This evening they'd been plying him with strong alcohol since six o'clock on the dot to ensure that he was inebriated enough to grace his audience with a tune or two.

"Do 'Two Become One' next!" Emmett called to Edward.

Edward held up his hand and shook his head. "I'm afraid that is all for tonight Ladies and Gentleman. Try the veal, it's to die for! Oh what the hell! One more for the cheap seats at the back!" The opening began for Emmett's request.

As well ad being a thirty-two-year-old white, heterosexual male, his only other attribute was that he was generally known as unreliable. Edward worked in the heart of Seattle but other than that he wasn't entirely sure what the purpose of his job was, other than to make huge sums of money, for other people, all the while developing a fairly decent nest egg for himself.

Jasper and Emmett worked with him, although they were both considerably better at whatever they did than Edward was. They had earnest discussions about the stock market and the economic crisis that was becoming a world wide issue, but quite frankly, Edward didn't understand any of it. Because they were such good friends they covered up for all manner of his shortcomings and Edward loved them for it. Edward felt he'd be more suited to being a… well, a something else - a singer perhaps? Maybe a professional bed tester at Captain Snooze? He really didn't know.

Edward turned his attention back to his performance. " … I wanna make love to ya baby! I had a little love, now I'm back for more…"

He considered himself exceptionally good at doing the 'low sultry sexy voice' as Jasper referred to it, and ran his hands up and down his body in a provocative manner.

A look of concern crossed Jasper's face and he shouted up at Edward through the display. "Mind you don't fall off of the table mate!"

Edward was on a table, in an unspeakably trendy wine bar somewhere in the depths of the city. He had no idea where as he'd been brought here totally against his will. The bar was very _Moulin Rouge, _all chandeliers, red paint and gold leaf mirrors. But no Nicole Kidman on a swing, and no burlesque dancers flashing their pink bits. Damn.

Edward was at a 'Farewell' do – he couldn't remember whose. Melissa. Melanie. Mallory - something like that anyway. Edward thought she was pretty nice. J-Lo ass, unfeasibly short skirts. Wonderful Combination. She had a brain the size of a planet and was/seemed very feisty, and she was leaving - as soon as she removed her tongue from the boss's throat. If Edward wasn't mistaken, if she wasn't already leaving, she probably would've been sacked after her promiscuous behaviour tonight, so it was just as well.

Edward had to leave soon too as he was already late. Extraordinarily late. Winding up for the big finale he gave 'Two Become One' all he'd got. The audience and his cheerleaders roared.

Edward loved being in the spotlight even thought most of the audience were probably more drunk than he was. At this time in the evening, the bar and its attendants became more and more entertaining. The booze was poured more freely, and the waitresses no doubt were gaining more in tips, the more inebriated we all audience, easily satisfied, howled for more. Edward bowed gracefully, as he prepared to take his leave and exit the spotlight.

A shout went up. "Do 'I Will Survive'?"

Next to 'Wannabe' this was Edward's best number. He also did a refreshingly original interpretation of ACDC's 'Dirty Deeds'.

Edward shook his head in a self deprecating way, even as he basked in his own glory.

"No. No. No."

He certainly wouldn't survive if he didn't get a move on. Besides, he didn't do requests (other than Emmett's or Jasper's). Elvis didn't, so neither did Edward.

"Cant. Cant. Have to go. Bella'sh birthday" Was that his voice slurring?

Bella was Edward's girlfriend. For years and years. On and off. More off than on. He had no idea why she put up with him and all his bullshit. Edward wouldn't if he were in her place But then he knew that Bella didn't know why she put up with him either.

He couldn't quite remember how they met but he was sure it involved him being wonderfully suave, sophisticated and sweeping Bella off of her perfectly pedicured feet. She'd been the only lady in his life ever since, and he loved her. Even the 'off' periods had been very brief, therefore, not necessitating the finding of a suitable replacement. Bella was irreplaceable. During the 'on' periods however, Edward was a constant source of irritation to her. Bella did not appreciate his singing talents or his habit of using tables as his stage.

Edward's watch was very blurred but he knew instinctively hat it was telling him a bad thing. The hands should be pointing very differently if it was good. He was sure.

"Shit. Shit. Late. Late."

In his haste to depart, Edward fell head first off of the table and landed in the arms of his true and trusted friends. His limbs were feeling very lovely, and jelly like.

"Bella will kill me," he gasped, before floating off to oblivion on a fluffy cloud.

From faraway, Edward heard his friends sigh patiently. Emmett looked over his head to Jasper and said, "She might not need to."

**BPOV**

"Bella, darling, is that Pinot Noir?" My mother cocked her head towards the direction of the decanter that was holding the bottle.

"Yes." I take a sip of my champagne and try to smile at her.

"How nice."

"Yes."

"Very fruity, quite relaxing."

"Yes, Mother." I say tightly. If I held the stem of my glass any harder, it would no doubt shatter, probably cutting my hand in the process. Not what I need right now.

This is a fabulous restaurant. There is no denying that. A firm family favourite. Whatever the celebration – anniversaries, the announcement of a new grandchild, the traditional Christmas gathering – a table is booked at Fratelli's. Thirtieth birthdays are no exception. And this is mine, the big 'three- oh.' And what do I have to show for it?

Nothing

Nada

Zilch

Fratelli's had a hushed genteel atmosphere that pandered perfectly to my parents' idea of having a good time, no rowdy pubs for the Swan clan. No Siree! No chain pizza places, no faux Mexican Cantinas, no standing in line for buffet food. My father would rather saw off his own arm than queue up for a slice of roast beef.

At Fratelli's, a surfeit of waiters bustled about unobtrusively, catering to their patrons' every need. The maitre d'hôtel – a starched and black suited cadaver of a man – had been the same person for about a hundred god damn years. Look at the historical photographs on the walls and you could see that he featured in all of them, in the same way that Jack Nicholson did in The Shining. Creepy.

Oak panelling lines the walls, the like of which you'll never see in a Happy Eater. The starched white linen of each table bears an exquisite arrangement of highly- scented pastel roses. It's rather like exclusive gentlemen's club, except they grudgingly allow women in too - most likely to avoid a discrimination law suit.

The lighting is subdued. Conversation is muted, quite probably frowned upon. Only the regular popping of expensive corks punctuates the light classical music. _Hmmm…Debussy? _

Next to my mother is my father. "I'm going to stop doing facelifts," he announces to no one in particular. "The last woman I operated on ended up with a face like fucking Joan Rivers! I tell you, people today strive to look like Barbie dolls. That Heidi Montag girl for instance! She was a perfectly petite young girl. Now look at her…ugh!" He shakes his head in bewilderment and obvious disapproval. "Why they want to do it I'll never know."

My father, Charles Swan, is 'old school' – opinionated, judgemental and extremely pretentious. He's a cosmetic surgeon of some note – if one acquires a reputation by giving eye-lifts, tummy tucks, and the occasional 'lunch time lipo' to reality stars, soap stars and fading rock singers. Not forgetting those daytime television presenters in the last desperate throes of their careers. Daddy might wonder why they all avail themselves of his services but he doesn't mind charging them rather handsomely for the privilege.

"I'll stick to Botox." He confirms this with a plentiful swig of his champagne. I don't think he realizes that no one is listening. "Better just to paralyse someone's face than to cut bits out completely. You can be sued at the drop of a hat these days. There's no fun in being a surgeon anymore." There's no fun in listening to a surgeon anymore. But was there ever?

"How lovely," my mother says, patting her exquisitely styled hair. She turns to me and places a hand on my arm. "What do you think darling?"

"Yes," I reply automatically, not taking in the question. I tilt my head to glance at the entrance once again. This is torture and extreme humiliation rolled into one. I'm surprised at his actions, even though I know I shouldn't be. Edward should have been here two hours ago, but no, here I sit once again. Alone, yet surrounded by people. How ironic. My naturally straight falling hair has been glammed up with big bouncy curls. I'm wearing a light and floaty dress with a Grecian neck line, and once again it has all been a pointless effort.

"Bella," my father sighs theatrically. "Do stop looking at the door, it's not going to make him get here any quicker."

I pull out my mobile phone. "Maybe I'll give him a ring."

Mobile phones are banned in Fratelli's and there's a collective gasp around the table which would have been more suited to me having pulled up the hep of my dress to expose my lacy thong.

"You'll do no such thing," my father says, snatching up my Blackberry from in front of me.

"He may have had an accident!" I said in defence, knowing well and truly that that wasn't the case. I'm not that naïve.

"I'll make sure he does one of these days," he threatens with a shake of his head.

"Daddy!"

"Face it sweetie, he's let you down - again! How long are you going to let him get away with hurting you? You deserve better!"

"You don't know that."

"I do." My father glances conspicuously at the one empty space at the table. The assortment of perfectly polished cutlery lies untouched as does the neatly folded napkin in the shape of a fan. "He always does."

"Charlie." My mother intervenes, as she often does in our frequent father-daughter tiffs. "It's Bella's birthday, please don't upset her."

"I'm not upsetting her," he protests, his voice drowning out the strains of the classical music. "It's the ever so charming Edward Cullen that's upsetting her."

"Charles. Please."

"Why can't you find a nice man, someone who will actually show up to dinner on your birthday?" My father sweeps his arm expansively across the table. "A man like Ben or Eric?"

Ben and Eric – the nice men in question, smile in a self satisfied and distinctly unpleasant way. Ben and Tyler are, unfortunately in my opinion, married to my older sisters. The sisters who toed the line and found themselves suitable husbands, who were determined to have them barefoot and pregnant upon their return from the honeymoon. While I, instead, found Edward.

Dickless wonders. That's the best way of describing my two brothers-in-law. Eric is a nerd; a comic book nerd, though he prefers that you refer to them as 'graphic novels.' Basically, he can draw and works for some big-shot company drawing pictures for comic books which are distributed across the country. Angela, my eldest sister, is deemed to have married well, even though she has to sleep with someone who sports an excess of nasal hair and still sleeps in Batman Pyjamas. Her three children range from angelic to the spawn from hell.

Ben imports antiques and sells them out of a dainty and overpriced shop in a little town just outside of Seattle. The sort of place that is lined with similar shops, but you can't find a cup of coffee or a newspaper to save yourself. Not my kind of town that's for certain.

My brother-in-law spends a lot of time in other countries, most likely being a pretentious bastard to people a lot less fortunate than himself, and ripping them off with unfair prices. 'Fair Trade' is not a term in which Ben is familiar. All his antique rugs are probably fashioned by the calloused and blistered hands of children who work for a few bucks a week. But Ben is loaded (and Jessica, my other sister, by proxy) and that counts for a lot in my father's world.

Ben is moderately passable in the looks department, but has 'FIGJAM' tattooed right across his forehead. The middle sister of the Swan household is Jessica, and despite having two hyperactive school-age children, she still manages to conduct a long term affair with their gardener.

I, on the other hand have been dating Edward for the last five years. No ring on the finger, and no kids to speak of. Yes, dating is absolutely the right label to use. I never know with Edward whether he will be around for the next week or not. He's not a man whore or anything, truth be told he wouldn't have a clue where to start in an attempt at seducing or even courting a woman. He just doesn't have it in him. He's positively clueless when it comes to women, which is really quite strange because he is breathtakingly good looking, and has a jaw line that supermodels would kill for. Not to mention that mop atop his head. There's nothing I love more than running my hands through his bronze coloured locks in the throes of passion. When he is around, that is.

Edward possesses a charm that is unbeknown to him and that, to me, is his biggest asset. Women fall for it all the time. I blame his panty dropping smile, it gets me every time, no matter how mad I am.

I met Edward through a friend of a friend on a day out to the beach. La Push, as I recall. Edward was trying to surf and had nearly drowned himself after getting tangled up in the ankle cord, when I swam out to rescue him. Five years later and it still feels like I'm the prince needing to save the damsel in distress. When is it my turn to play the princess?

I saw Edward as a challenge. For the first few months of our relationship he never once returned one of my phone calls or texts. I know what you're thinking… He's just not that into you, right? But, he just knew that I'd continue to call him and I'd often wondered what would've happened of I had simply stopped?

Edward is not a natural hunter and gatherer. I think the caveman gene has skipped him completely. I don't think there is a jealous bone in his body. He's never going to grab me by the hair and drag me away from suitors and into his 'cave', as much as I may secretly have a fantasy that he might. Again, he is utterly clueless.

My family, sisters and dickless wonders included, treat him like a leper. He's the social outcast of this family as he doesn't have opinions on politics and sporting events. My sisters are constantly on his back at every given opportunity about when he'll 'make an honest woman out of me.' Basically, according to my father, 'He's not Swan material.'

"Edward is a nice man," I insist. Everyone around the table avoids looking at me. My mother patronisingly pats my hand in sympathy which makes me want to cry. Out of all of them, only I can see the good qualities of Edward. "He is, he's just…He's just very good at hiding it. You don't see him like I do. You don't see him as often as I do."

I grip my champagne glass even more tightly, while forcing out a smile that I hope comes across as sweet, at the rest of the unbelieving characters at the table. When Edward finally shows up, I'll kill him.


	2. Big Macs and Hallmark Cards

Chapter 2 - Big Macs and Hallmark Cards

EPOV

"See you tomorrow morning, Edward." Jasper and Emmett left Edward's side reluctantly, afraid they were abandoning him to the unforgiving creatures of the night.

"Will you be okay?"

"Fine, fine." Edward mumbled out drunkenly, trying not to garble his words to no avail. "Nighty night fella'sh."

His mates were off in search of a taxi, a pretty woman or a Big Mac. He couldn't really remember which, but past experiences pointed in the direction of all of the above. Instead of joining them he crawled along the pavement in search of his car, on all fours, as remaining vertical had become too much of a challenge.

The pavement was very cold and hard and had probably seen things Edward didn't dare imagine. He thought to himself that at times like these pavements should be made of much squishier materials - a world of mattresses perhaps? He noticed what a lovely night it was; the stars, the moon and the like all stood out in the night so brightly. He wished that Bella were here to share it with him…and maybe help him walk home. But he didn't know why. Love. Probably love.

Somewhere around the deserted street was his car. A lovely sleek Volvo that he had named Elizabeth. He struggled off of the ground and approached the vehicle.

"Ah looksh like you, my shpeshal girrrrl," he slurred, while he ran his hands over Elizabeth's hood.

The keyhole didn't appear to be big enough. The key was all bendy too. Edward's mind wandered from shrunken key holes to the deliciousness that is the Big Mac. That seemed like a nice idea, but it was late. Late, late. Horribly Late. No blow-jobs for a month late.

"Open! Open! Open!" Edward shook the door handle in case the car was playing hard to get. "Abracadabra!" he yelled, in hopes that the 'magic word' would do the trick. "Open you bastard!" he whined again in frustration, running his hands through his dishevelled hair.

A loud siren infected the otherwise still air around him. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Edward pushed his hands against his ears in reaction to drown out the sound. Edward shouted at the car to 'shut the hell up,' and shook the handle once again. "Come on, you stubborn, blue piece of…"

Then it hit him. This wasn't his car. His car was silver. He patted the hood, which he had previously been caressing. "Sorry, sorry." He apologised to the car.

He sunk down to his knees again, and crawled once more, in search for Elizabeth. Then, he saw her. He leaned towards Elizabeth, kissing her silver body. She was there the whole time, just waiting for him. The key fit smoothly into the lock, the door swinging open and allowed him entrance. "That's more like it!"

Eventually, the car roared to life. He found first gear and eased out the clutch. With a few more revs he was jumping down the road.

"Hello, cyclist." Edward waved In what he hoped was a friendly gesture. Unfortunately he was a bit too close. The cyclist wobbled a bit, and fell off of his bike, hitting the bitumen road with a thud. "Sorry, so sorry!" Edward waved his hand apologetically, as the cyclist shook his head and flipping Edward the bird.

Edward had no time to stop the car, to check if the cyclist was ok.

He could see the restaurant up ahead. It was a posh restaurant - not his type at all. "I wonder if McDonalds is close by?" he wondered out loud.

Edward stumbled out of the car and made an attempt to stand up straight. He adjusted his collar, and ran his hands through his hair. He crouched down to check his appearance in the side view mirror attached to Elizabeth, giving his reflection a smile, There was no way Bella would be able to tell he'd been drinking. He thought smugly

* * *

"Well, well, well" my mother chirped "What a lovely surprise!" you could practically smell the sarcasm dripping off of her words.

My head shot up and I tried my best to not let the disappointment I felt be seen on my face. Where the hell could he be? He could be in a ditch or in the morgue for all I knew. Edward was a hazard to himself, and definitely should not be let out of the house on his own.

But, it wasn'tEdward. Instead, a young waiter, who couldn't be older than seventeen waltzed in carrying a silver platter which held a three tiered birthday cake. There were seven people at the table, and the cake could easily feed fifty. The cake was covered in blue and green marzipan icing, with flowers adorned all along the edges. Thirty candles were aflame atop of the cake. I sure hoped they had a fire fighter on standby. Thirty. Thirty. Ugh! Thirty. I could almost hear my biological clock ticking faster.

A forced smile on my face, I stood up to allow the waiter to place the cake on top of the table. My family began to sing a gauche rendition of 'Happy Birthday.' I faked a smile, and wondered what the hell I was supposed to do while they sung…I never knew, thirty effing years, and it was just as awkward as ever.

The gentle and civilised murmurs of conversation came to an abrupt halt. A waiter appeared, wearing what seemed to be the contents of a soup tureen.

"Sorry, sorry." Trailing behind the waiter was none other than Edward.

A few dozen restaurant patrons turned and gave Edward the evil eye. Half a dozen of those were coming from our table alone.

Edward gave me one of his heartbreakingly beautiful smiles, and I almost forgave him then and there. Almost.

"Sorry, so sorry I'm late. Fuck! No, bad language, shit! Sorry, party, J-lo ass leaving, oh shit!" Edward strung off with hiccups interrupting his ramble.

I held my heavy head in the palms of my hands just wishing I could click my fingers and disappear. This was not happening. This was not happening. I'm a good person, and I don't deserve this crap.

"Good Evening, Mrs…Mrs…"

"Swan!" I supplied with obvious hatred.

"Bella!" He held his arms wide open, instructing me to melt into his chest for a loving embrace. His helpless puppy dog expression was met with my best snarling werewolf face. He noticed that I was not accepting of his affection and attempted to rectify this.

"Happy Birthday, sweetheart!" he yelled, staggering towards me and embracing me in hug. I didn't melt into the hug, and I allowed my body to stiffen to show him his affection was unwanted.,Edward leaned into the hug a little to much and unable to hold his weight, I fell backwards, I toppled back, and of course, once again gravity was against me, and Edward fell right on top of me. I couldn't breathe. My arms flailed about as I tried to push his dead weight off. My father rushed to my aid and roughly pulled Edward off of me. He was out cold. Happy Birthday to me.

The Ladies bathroom at Fratelli's was just as extravagant as the dining room. The deep charcoal, marble sinks were accessorized with individually folded hand-towels and little shell shaped soaps. A tray of complimentary hand lotions and perfumes were supplied on a brass cart next to an array of plush couches that looked like you could sink right into them.

Edward sat in one now, slumped down. I made effortless attempts to wake him up, as he had once again fallen unconscious. In the hope of waking him up, and to release some anger, I slapped him. Hard.

"Ow! What was that for you harpy!"

"Shut up, Edward," I retort, handing him a cup of strong coffee. "You look horrible…you smell horrible too." My eyes travelled up and down his body; he didnt even look like he had made it home from the office. I wasn't surprised. "You look like you have been crawling along the pavement."

Edward raised his head in shock. "I would never do that…It's….dirty."

I rolled my eyes at his blatant stupidity. "I can't believe you; you let me down yet again."

"Yes, darling."

"It's my birthday."

He hung is head in shame. "I know."

"You should have been here hours ago, Edward!" I said feeling my anger growing with each word.

"I know."

"You have humiliated me, mortified me in front of my parents…and my sisters and their 'perfect' husbands! That alone hurts me. Do you have any idea how that made me feel? Did you even get me a present?"

Edward slapped his head. I knew the answer. "Fuuuuuuuck!"

"No, you didn't last year either, or the year before that, or even the year before that. What did I get you for your birthday, Edward?" He looked me in the eye and raised his hand which held the beautiful Rolex watch that I had spent a pretty penny on.

"Sorry. Sorry," Edward mumbled. "Terrible um…"

"Memory," I supply.

"Quite."

"I'm so embarrassed by you, Edward."

I lost count long ago at how many times Edward had let me down. Perhaps my father was right. They were all probably out there eating my 'over the top' birthday cake, laughing at my expense. Telling stories about what a fuckup Edward was, and discussing the type of guy I should be with.

"This is it, Edward," I said sadly. "This is as far as it goes. It has to be. I can't take it anymore. You are never there for me when I need you. You are never there full stop. I'm thirty years old; it's time to get serious. This is the end."

"The end?" Edward looked up at me with glossy eyes.

"You have gone too far too often. You need to grow up."

"It was just a farewell party, Bells."

"What about my party? One drink you told me Edward, you said you would stay for one drink, not a couple of bottles of their finest!"

"I had a few."

"A few usually means that you've been throwing them back from the minute you punch out from bloody work! We used to have fun Edward" I said my voice soft.

"I have fun."

"Yes I know you do, with Jasper and Emmett…not with me, not anymore. Your idea of fun is getting plastered and dancing on tables."

Edward looked at me with pleading eyes. "It's not Bella, baby."

"You are so unreliable. I need someone I can depend on."

"I always have been, you always knew that about me. I thought you loved me anyway."

"I always hoped you would grow out of it."

Edward took my hand in his, and gave it a gentle squeeze. "I'm trying to, Bells, I really am."

"You're not," I insisted. "You're getting worse by the minute. I can't take it anymore. I've had enough. I think I have to say goodbye. I no longer feel that spark."

"Spark?"

"Yes, Edward, the spark."

"We used to have a spark?" Edward questioned

"Yes, didn't you ever feel it? Once upon a time?"

"I could try harder…I want to feel the spark."

"No, I cant, not anymore."

"I wish I could give you the electricity you deserve, Bella. Really, I do."

"You never tell me that you love me," I whispered.

"I do."

"You don't."

"I do."

"What?"

"The heart thing. I do, you know…. 'L' you."

The breath I was holding in escaped my chest. I rubbed my hands together in frustration. "You can't even bring yourself to say it. 'I heart you,' what are you five years old? This isn't a fucking Hallmark card, hell I don't even think you have even given me one of those either!"

"I'm a guy, Bells. I'm bad at the romantic stuff. I'm an American! If I were French or something, I'm sure I could dazzle you every damn day; it'd be a totally different story. I'd be like 'oui, oui, oui mademoiselle,' and all that junk but I'm not that guy Bells.

"I think its best if you leave now, Edward."

"Okay…um…okay." Edward stood up and made his way to the door. "I'll call you tomorrow then, Bells - when you are feeling better - and have had a chance to cool off."

I looked at Edward hoping he could see the sadness in my eyes. Edward had been such a big part of my life for years. It was time to move on; start the next decade of my life with a clean sheet.

I knew I wanted to be with Edward forever but I was tired. I was tired of being alone on my birthday, and anniversaries. I was tired of nagging him. I was tired of waiting for him to call. All I ever wanted was a nice quiet relationship, one where he actually remembered my birthday. It was such a shame when he had so much potential. I just wished that someone would take him away do some kind of voodoo on him and give him back to me all grown-up and proper, save me all the trouble of another five years trying to get him to change his ways. Was that too much to ask?

Suddenly, a warm breeze enveloped me and made my blood run cold. I span around trying to see the air vent that caused me to shiver. Nothing.

"Tomorrow, Bella?" Edward asked again, breaking me out of my reverie.

"They'll be no tomorrow, Edward. It's over. I'm done."

"Over?" Edward asked once more, tears evident in his eyes. I confirmed his question with a nod. "I wish I could be everything you deserve, Bella, everything that you want." He looked unhappier than I had ever seen him before.

"I know. It's not enough, not anymore."

"So…"

"This is it,"

"Yes."

"This could be the last time we ever see each other….in a girl's bathroom."

"Yes."

"Don't you want to say something?"

"I'm dying for a Big Mac," he blurted out. "If it's any consolation, I didn't go with Emmett and Jasper for McDonalds. I really wanted to - but I didn't. Do you think I would be able to grab a slice of cake for the road?"

"Edward…you are too pathetic for words." With that I made my way out of the bathroom, tears streaming down my face.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading guys! Let me know what you think about my story!


	3. Dangerous Sex and Spiderman Moves

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything recognisable in this story. No legal infringement is intended.

* * *

Chapter 3 – Dangerous Sex and Spiderman Moves.

Edward watched Bella storm out of the bathroom crying. "Shouldn't have mentioned the Big Mac…"

He exited the bathroom in search of Bella carefully avoiding the table that housed her family. There was no way in hell that he would be able to hold his ground in front of them. They may as well have thrown him in front of a pack of hungry werewolves. No thankyou. He couldn't see Bella anywhere. "She must've driven home," he thought, out loud.

He made his way out onto the street once again in search of his car. The chilly air had a sobering affect on his body. The more sober he became the more horrible he felt.

Bella was a serial dumper. She broke up with Edward on average three times a week, for both real and superficial reasons. But this time was different. He could feel it. Bella's words held a certain amount of severity that he hadn't heard before. Edward felt that this time, perhaps for the first time, she was serious. That didn't sit well with him.

Edward knew Bella had validity in her actions. Bella was a strikingly beautiful and snarky woman, even if she didn't see it in herself. He really couldn't blame her. He wouldn't want to put up with him either.

He made his way to the only woman left in his life. Elizabeth. He knew he had consumed too much alcohol to contemplate driving all the way home. And truth be told, he couldn't actually find his car keys. Edward searched his pockets but came up empty handed. He didn't even have any cash for a taxi home.

Although the air was crisp, Edward could smell the rain lingering on the breeze. It was a fine night to walk home. He walked over to Elizabeth and gave her a kiss. "See you tomorrow, behave yourself." Edward waved as he walked away and advised Elizabeth over his shoulder, "Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

BPOV

I found myself an elaborately carved antique bench on a secluded balcony behind the restaurant kitchen. I curled myself up and hugged my knees to my chest. I sobbed into a tissue and sniffled loudly. How attractive. A couple made their way out to where I was hiding, I guessed they wanted to share an intimate moment alone. They saw me curled up on the bench looking quite out of place. The couple looked me up and down as if I had interrupted their moment; when in fact it was the opposite, and walked back inside.

"Sweetheart, what are you doing out here? What is all this fuss?" My mother questioned as she made her way outside to sit down beside me.

My mother was always the picture of elegance. My dear mother; Renee Swan, straightened her silk shirt and crossed her legs. Now in her late fifties, she still stood tall, slim and very beautiful. I hoped that I would age as gracefully. The picture we created at this moment was the embodiment of mother and child.

She patted my hand. "I gather Edward has left?"

I nodded as she captured my attention.

"You can always rely on Edward to make a party go off with a bang," she announced, smiling. Deep down I believed she had always liked him, that he reminded her of herself in her younger days - a free spirit.

"I could strangle that man to death. He is so fucking infuriating!"

"Oh, Bella," replied my mother in a sympathetic tone. "Edward is Edward. No more, no less. Don't take him too seriously. Let him be himself, you won't change him."

"I don't want to change him! I just want him to stop doing all the things that irritate me."

Mother looked at me petulantly with an arched eyebrow.

"If only he would…" I began, as more tears escaped my bloodshot eyes.

"Grow up? Start acting his age? Be more like someone else, anyone else?" My mother shook her head. "It doesn't work like that, love. Life isn't that easy, _love_ isn't that easy. You can't change someone's basic character. That's not fair. Hell, girl, I should know! Take your father - he's a fucking bore! Do you know what he wanted to do before I insisted he get a real job?" I shook my head, having no idea. "He wanted to be a palaeontologist! God, could you imagine? Our life would not be the same. We would not be welcome in a fancy place like this that's for damn sure. We'd be most likely celebrating your birthday at the local diner."

I look up, shocked.

"Aww c'mon, Bella, we all know he's boring, don't look so scandalised! He loves his job now, for heavens sake he never shuts up about it. You wouldn't believe the number of times I've considered drugging his tea to make him more bearable, or taping his mouth so that he doesn't drone on and on about the same old thing. But I love him just the same. Always have."

"That's different though."

"I think you'll find that it isn't," my mother advised.

I groaned in frustration and ran my hands through my hair, almost tempted to pull it out of my scalp.

"I just wish Edward was…"

"Honey, if you don't love him the way he is, well…then, you have to let him go. Let him find someone who can love him for who he is. He deserves to find true love too."

"Aaarrrrgh. Why does he have to be so fucking frustrating?"

"He's only frustrating and annoying because that's the way you choose to see him. To some, Edward is the life and soul of the party. He's handsome, funny and believe it or not he can be charming. I see you melt when he smiles at you. Bella, you can't spend your life waiting for him to change. You can control him either."

"I know, but I still wish he would love me enough to want to change on his own."

"That's not fair on either of you, and you know it," my mother warned.

She put her arm around me and I snuggled into her shoulder - much like I did when I was a little girl. She kissed the top of my head, and I welcomed the comfort she offered. The strong, heady scent of her favourite Chanel No. 5 perfume washed over me as unchanging and steadfast as my mother's love.

"You're my favourite daughter," Renee announced. I started to protest but she put a finger to my lips topping me before I could get a word out. "We both know that you are, but you carry the world on your shoulders. You are a worrier, much like your dear old dad. Worrying doesn't change anything, except maybe your hair colour." I couldn't help but giggle.

"I just want for you to be happy sweetheart. Think very carefully before you push Edward out of your life forever. Are you sure you would prefer to marry a guy like your sister did?"

My eyes grew large. I had no idea my mother didn't like my brothers in law.

"I love your sisters too," she continued. "But their taste in men is deplorable. I don't know how they can bare to be married to them. Edward might be a handful, but feisty men are soooo much more fun. Not to mention they probably know a few more tricks for the bedroom too." I couldn't help but blush at this comment. Sex was something that was rarely discussed between the members of Swan family.

"Bella, my dear, we are only on this earth for a short amount of time, don't spend it being miserable." Renee sat back on the bench which forced me to look her in the eye. "You need to relax, Bella. You're so tense. Chill out, let it all hang out. You need to drink a little, dance a little. Maybe love a lot. That's my motherly advice for you. Forget all about Edward for a few weeks. See where life takes you. Enjoy casual sex with a dangerous stranger."

"Mother!" I shouted in horror.

"You might end up seeing things differently. Life is too short to spend it all tense and anxious. Loosen up."

"You're probably right." I picked at a fingernail.

"Mothers always are…"

The more sober Edward became the more he realised he couldn't give up on Bella that easily. He had to explain to her that even though he was an asshole he did 'Heart' her a lot.

Instead of going home Edward headed towards Bella's apartment where he planned to declare his undying 'L' for her. Romeo had nothing on him. He was going to use the whole word. Not 'heart.' Not 'L'. But the whole word.

Edward was almost completely sober as he'd wandered the streets for some time, taking the 'scenic' route to Bella's place. His stomach started to grumble, yet another reminder that he needed to eat.

It was an ungodly hour, and everything had well and truly closed down for the night. When he reached Bella's apartment he came upon another problem. Bella wasn't answering the buzzer to her flat, despite the fact that he'd kept his finger on it for a good five minutes. He'd also screamed her name up to her window.

"Bella! Bella! Where for art thou, Bella?" he called again.

A window opened above his head. "Clear off Edward," a disembodied voice said.

Mrs Cope. She'd never liked Edward. And the fact that he had accidentally wandered into her apartment - and her bed - one night after coming home from a night of drinking didn't help.

He could call Bella, but as well as his car keys, his mobile phone had also seemed to disappear. This wasn't an unusual occurrence. Edward and his phone were never together for long. He'd had quite a few one night stands with them over the years.

"Bellllllaaaaa!" There was still no reply.

Edward knew there was only one thing left to do…

BPOV

I attempted to sleep but all I could achieve was a lot of tossing and turning. My head was buzzing and I knew that sleep was futile. I simply couldn't settle. I was hot and then when I threw off the covers I was too cold. My legs ached and my temples throbbed. A nagging tickle irritated my throat and I wondered if I was coming down with something. I sat up abruptly, which caused my head to spin just a little. I turned my head from one side to the other allowing the tension in my neck to dissipate. The quiet was disrupted by the creaks from my neck. I reached across for the glass of water that sat on my bedside table and took a few sips.

My mother's advice kept playing around in my mind. Was I too harsh with Edward? He was the one who sailed through life as if he didn't have a care in the world, while I worried enough for the two of us. I had often felt my own body cells weighing me down when we were going through another one of our 'off' periods. My mother was right about one thing - I was a born worrier.

When I was little I would be too frightened to play with my Barbie Dolls for fear that I might damage them. The thought of a pretty bead falling off of Ballerina Barbie's tutu was enough to send me in to hysterics. I would worry about what other people thought of me. I would worry about whether I had left the oven on, even though I knew I hadn't used it.

No one in the family was like this. My mother was confidant; sure of her own skin, whereas my sisters were, and always would be, confident to the point where it could be classified as arrogance.

I looked at the clock. Edward could have called, but I knew Edward all to well, and no doubt he has lost his phone. Perhaps if we had of talked things through, had a real conversation rather than an argument, he would understand that he needed to change.

Oh…

Hadn't my mother just drawn my attention to the dangers that came with that particular way of thinking? I needed to accept Edward for who he was. Did I really have the patience and strength to do that? It would take nothing short of a miracle for Edward to change the behaviour that he had grown accustomed to. A zebra would always be a zebra.

* * *

Climbing drainpipes was not Edward's forte, he wasn't sure drainpipe climbing could possibly be anyone's forte unless you were a serial cheater and often had to climb out of windows to make a hasty escape.

Edward struggled up the narrow piping, trying to emulate the style of Spiderman, and scraping his knees against the wall. "Ouch! Mother Fuc… Bella! Bella!"

Edward wished she had answered the doorbell, thus rending this attempt to prove himself as a bodysuit wearing superhero unnecessary.

Edward looked down. He had made it to the first floor but had no idea how. Huffing and puffing, he heaved himself further up the drain pipe. He realised that he wasn't as fit as he once was. Who was he kidding? Edward was never fit. Sure he had a nice looking body, but he wasn't fit.

A window opened above him.

"Piss off Edward!" It wasn't Bella's voice. It was an old, haggard voice. Edward risked looking up. There was, indeed, an old person in a hideous magenta negligee with a faux feather trim. He shuddered. It was Mrs Cope again.

"Hello." He tried to sound pleasant while remembering not to let go of the drainpipe to wave. That would be all he needed, it had already taken him near on 15 minutes to get this far.

"Argh!" Edward suddenly hit on the head by the irritated old bag wielding a fluffy slipper that matched her ghastly intimate apparel.

"....Else?" More hitting.

"Bella won't open up. This is my only option."

"Can't say that I blame her," Mrs Cope grunted. "She could do so much better than you."

At this point Edward hoped that Bella would hear the exchange between him and the harlot and she would come to his rescue. But alas, she did not.

Edward's hands were getting sweaty, with the exertion. His fingers begun to slip from the edging and he eventually lost his grip, completely. Not only did he loose his grip on the drainpipe, but on his life as well. He landed in some sort of scratchy bush and could feel the branches poking him in the back. The window banged shut above him.

"Good night, Mrs Cope. Sleep tight." Edward waved affectionately at the closed window. The light snapped off.

With a groan and a few curse words, Edward climbed out of the bushes and brushed himself down. This was too depressing for words. He had recited Shakespeare, imitated superhero climbing and still he couldn't reach Bella. He wished he had never gone out after work. He wished he had never turned up late for her birthday dinner. Despite his valiant attempts to win her back, it would seem that things really were over between them.

BPOV

My mother opened the bedroom door. "Cant you sleep, sweetheart?"

"No." I sat up and switched on my bedroom light.

"I could hear you tossing and turning." My mother walked to my bedside and handed me a mug of hot chocolate. "I thought this might help you settle, it always helped when you were little."

"Thanks mum."

She nudged me over to one side of the bed and sits by my side. "It's nice to have you back in your old bedroom."

I took in the purple painted walls still covered in all the pictures and posters it placed there years and years ago.

"I've never had the heart to change it. This will always be your space." I nodded, and snuggled into her side. "Its much better than going back to your pokey apartment while your upset. You know what they say, there's no place like home."

"It isn't a pokey apartment," I insisted, "and, I like living alone."

Didn't I? Wouldn't I really rather wake up snuggled in the arms of someone else? Edward perhaps? "Maybe I should've gone straight home." I chewed at my lip. "What if Edward is there waiting for me?"

"Then I'm sure he is sleeping on the steps waiting for you," my mother replied confidently.

"I really do love him, mum," I explained. "Even though he's a pain in the neck."

"And the ass," she added playfully.

We both laughed tiredly.

"If you really do love him, darling, then perhaps it's about time you started behaving like it."

"I just want him to stop treating me like a pushover."

"Well, be careful that you don't push him out completely." My mother kissed me on the cheek. "Goodnight, darling."

As she left I turned off the bedside light and slid down under the duvet. I turned to look out the window and over the rooftops of Seattle and wondered where my maddeningly lovely, unstable and unpredictable Edward was now. I fished around under the covers and found my mobile tucked underneath the pillow to the left of me. Edward's side. I looked at the screensaver - a picture of Edward and I pulling silly faces. I kissed the screen and sank further down into the bed. Hopefully, tomorrow would be a better day.


	4. Bridges and Party Tricks

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything recognisable in this story. No legal infringement is intended.

* * *

Chapter 4 – Bridges and Party Tricks

EPOV

The smell of rain still lingered in the air, and it was way past the time for Edward to be getting home. The sky had already just begun to lighten, and the birds had already begun chirping. He had to head to work later this morning and already he was destined to get too few hours in bed that would've allowed him to sleep off his hangover.

As Edward headed back towards the West Seattle Bridge, he resolved to pick up the pace of his stride. Edward loved this part of Seattle, particularly at this time of night when it wasn't crowded with people rushing to get from point a to point b. The skyline was a magnificent blend of old and new – the fine, crenellated turrets of old buildings that stood proud against the newly constructed, environmentally friendly office block.

As Edward crossed the road, dodging a lone taxi, he glanced toward West Seattle Bridge. What he saw stopped him in his track. He couldn't believe it. A woman stood by one of the parapets. She was wearing a long black coat and a blood red scarf was wrapped tightly around her neck. She stood on tip-toe, teetering on the edge of the brightly coloured iron rail. With one hand she held onto the huge white pillar that supported the bridge. The other arm was outstretched toward the murky, swirling expanse of the river beneath. She was a tiny little thing – it looked as one puff wind would blow her away. Her face was pale, as if she rarely saw the sun.

What was she doing? He wondered. The woman leaned further forward. The breath in his lungs came to a rapid halt. Edward's heart beat faster. He had a horrible feeling that she was about to jump. He glanced around searching for help, but there was no one around that he could see, not at this time of the morning. No one with common sense would be up at this hour. All the sensible people would be tucked up in bed. There was only Edward and the woman. A rush of adrenaline pumped through his body. The kind that turned normal, uninspiring men, like himself into valiant knights on white chargers. He forced oxygen into his chest and ran towards the railing. He had to save her.

"Don't!" he yelled, his voice echoing in the dead of the early morning. He rushed onto the bridge and the woman turned around to look at him.

_Careful now. Smile nicely. Don't startle her._

Edward wasn't the heroic sort. Anyone could have told you that. He passed out if he saw even a tiny drop of blood. He swore to God that he could smell the stuff.

_Oh my god. Oh my god._

His breath caught in his throat. The woman turned back to face the railing, and leaned out even further. Edward gasped. She could do it any second.

"Don't do it! Don't!" Edward held out his arms. "You'll smash yourself to death on the rocks below." There weren't really actually any blocks below in the river, but Edward hoped that in her distressed state, the woman wouldn't see the flaw in his argument.

"There aren't any rocks below, silly." She said calmly.

_Damn, you couldn't fool this one._

"The tide?" he offered, but it sounded more like a question. "The tide is terribly dangerous. It will drag you beneath the surface and sweep you out to sea and dreadful things like that. Crabs might eat you!" She looked like as if she didn't believe that either. "Whatever," Edward said. "It would be a deeply unpleasant experience to have as your last. I really, really advise against it." She smiled at him and allowed him to move just a little bit closer to where she stood.

He could nearly touch her. Despite the fact that she had perched herself on the edge of the West Seattle Bridge, hundreds of feet up in the air, he thought she looked amazingly serene, almost unearthly. Edward noticed that there was a translucent glow around her. He shook his head in disbelief. The movement brought to Edward's awareness the amount of alcohol he had consumed. The throbbing pain in his temples was gradually getting worse.

He brought his hands up to his forehead and rubbed soothingly, as if it would cure his headache. He came to the conclusion that perhaps the woman wasn't glowing. It most likely could have been an optical illusion brought on by surfeit of strong liquor. People did not generally glow. Not unless they lived near a nuclear reactor.

A rumble of traffic approached, and a semi-trailer passed by, making the road across the bridge shake unnervingly. Edward hoped that it wouldn't spook her.

The woman looked at Edward and smiled again. He was relieved to see that she certainly didn't look startled. Amazingly, she looked very relaxed for a potential suicide committer – if that was the correct term to describe her. She was extraordinarily pretty. He was right next to her and he leaned gratefully on the heavy, solid structure of the bridge. He sighed with relief while trying to give off the most casual air he could manage.

"Don't jump," he said. "You're far too pretty to be fish food."

The woman laughed at that.

Encouraged, Edward decided to continue in the same vein. "You might be desperately unhappy now, but nothing is bad enough to be worth ending your life for. You'll get over it, whatever it is. Believe me – I know."

She looked at him in surprise. Her eyes were wide; her mouth formed a small 'o' shape.

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. Again." He flicked his thumb back in the general direction of the awful restaurant and the debacle that had been his love's thirtieth birthday party. He hurt thinking about it. "And I'm hardly depressed at all." He forced himself to grin just to prove it. The woman had no way of knowing that the inside of his heart was like the image inside of a kaleidoscope, all in the right place, but fractured into hundreds of little pieces, "In the morning…well when I wake up later in the morning I'll have forgotten all about her." He sounded far too bright to be convincing, even Edward knew that. "If not in the morning, then fairly soon. A year or two, I expect."

He gave the apparently suicidal woman a pathetic grin, in hope that she'd feel too guilty to kill herself. "Come on. Come down."

The woman laughed again. Not the unhinged laugh of someone on the verge of offing themselves, Edward noted. No, a tinkly happy laugh that made him think that she'd quite probably been hitting the bottle too. She came towards him and too the hand that he had offered to her, jumping down over the pavement as light as a feather. Underneath the long trench coat she was wearing something that looked suspiciously like lingerie. Something definitely not warm enough for the weather they were enjoying. But then women and their clothing choices had always been a mystery to Edward. Why would anyone sane choose to wear panty hose voluntarily?

"I wasn't going to jump," she assured him. "I can fly."

"Oh. Me too if I have had enough." He reached into his pants pocket and retrieved a flask. How he had managed to loose his car keys and mobile phone, but managed to retain a flask full of booze was beyond him. He held the flask out to the woman, but she didn't take it.

"What are you celebrating?" she asked as she nodded her head in the direction of the flask.

"Celebrating? Nothing…well I guess being a single man, I suppose. Want some?" Edward shook the flask in front of her.

She nodded, Edward thought he'd probably need a drink too if he was in her situation. He went to offer he the bottle but realised that the lightness of the container meant that unfortunately, that it was empty.

"Oh. It's empty. Sorry."

"That's ok." She stated unworried. She moved the side of her long coat away from her body and exposed her leg to Edward. She pulled out a flask from the confines of a black lacy garter that adorned her upper thigh, and handed it to him.

Edward's grew wide in utter shock. "Holy shit!" He took the flask from her and shook it. It was full. He opened up the lid cautiously and took a whiff. He shrugged his shoulders as if to say 'What the hell!' and allowed himself a swig. He pulled the flask away from his mouth quickly, and expelled a rough sounding cough.

"Ouch! This must be good stuff, burnt all the way down!"

The woman took the container from him and sipped from it. "It is."

Edward looked at her in utter amazement. "That is a seriously good party trick."

Her smile was utterly bewitching. She was dazzling him. The woman raised her perfectly sculpted eyebrow and smiled flirtatiously at Edward. "I have plenty of them."

Edward and the woman leaned on the bridge looking down at the murky water, the lights on the bridge swayed in the breeze.

"So why did you girlfriend dump you." She asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

"Because I'm a shallow, emotionally stunted, commitment-phobe with a fear of intimacy and a love of a stiff drink."

"Is that all?"

"Oh, and I snore."

"Oh," she whispered. "That's awful."

Edward puffed out his breath, not realising that he'd been holding it.

"I think Bella – my girlfriend – just wanted me to be all that I'm not and probably never will be."

"Maybe you just haven't found the right woman."

"Oh, she's the right woman," he defended. "But maybe I'm not the right man. I love her so much but…well." Edward felt at a complete loss.

"Do you live near here?"

Edward nodded, not really thinking much of it. "Not far, just around the corner. Well, two or three corners. You?"

"No. I come from a faraway place."

"Bummer," he commiserated. "You've probably missed the last ferry. Were you planning on going back there today?"

_No, of course, she wasn't, Edward you idiot. She was planning to jump off a bridge- remember?_

"I mean now. After you decided not to…" He twitched his head towards the water.

"No." she said with a wistful shake of her head. "I'm not going back to where I'm from. Not just yet." She wrapped her coat around her body tightly. "I thought you would like it if I came home with you."

"With me?" Edward exclaimed, rather surprised by her boldness, but he wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth, or however the saying goes.

"Oh absolutely." She took the flask back from him once more and threw it towards the river. She took Edward's hand, which he thought must feel big, clumsy and hot beneath her delicate touch. But she smiled at him as if nothing mattered.

As they headed off, hand in hand towards Edward's flat, he noticed his heart was pounding. And his heart would have pounded even more if he'd noticed that as the flask soared through the air it transformed into a tiny silver butterfly.

* * *

Edward felt slightly awkward as he wasn't used to having a strange woman attached to his arm. He didn't know if this was a good idea and the organ that he called his brain was refusing to go into thinking mode. Its cells were probably still sodden with alcohol and were having a lie-down. Edward didn't blame them. All the time he was desperately trying to think, to reason through, yet they just kept getting inextricably nearer to his flat without him really having any idea of what was going on.

It wasn't too much of a hike from the bridge to Edward's place- something he had worried inordinately about when Bella first moved to the area. Even then though they had been together for three years by then, Edward had though it might've been to close for comfort, but his fears were unfounded. He and his girlfriend had co-existed in a near neighbourly companionship for over two years now. Bella had her space, and Edward had his. And they would both have a lot more of it after tonight.

Surprisingly, despite the longevity of their relationship, Bella and Edward had never discussed living together. He thought it was more that likely s topic Bella dreaded him raising, and as he completely avoided all difficult conversations, he had never tried to raise it. Besides, Edward probably would have founded himself swiftly murdered if Bella had ever moved in with him. His girlfriend was the tidiest person on this small planet, whereas Edward was not. Bella went to bed early so that she could enjoy eight hours of sleep. Edward stayed up early all hours of the night watching TV or playing the playstation. Sometimes he wondered if Bella was right when she stated, time and time again that they weren't compatible.

Edward and his newly acquired companion walked down the street, slowly nearing his flat. The woman didn't talk to him at all. She somehow seemed to know that he was deep in thought. Or as deep as Edward managed to get. He felt as if he should talk to her, find out her reasons for wanting to jump off a bridge, but – for once – he had no idea what to say. The woman pulled her coat around her and shivered slightly. The trees responded by rustling in the breeze as they walked under them.

Because they hadn't talked much, Edward decided that the woman was in a state of shock after her abandoned suicide attempt. He hoped that it wasn't everyday – otherwise she was seriously unhinged and Edward was in big trouble. The truth was that he rather enjoyed walking along with this quiet woman. Bella would've been moaning about how she was cold, or how her ridiculous looking high heeled shoes were pinching her feet.

"Well." Edward stopped outside his humble abode. "Here we are." Edward usually left a spare key under a plant pot outside of the front door in case he ever lost his own key. As he _had _lost his own key, he hoped that he had remembered to put his spare key under the pot.

Edward had his keys cut in bulk at 'All Keyed Up' – key cutters to the terminally forgetful. He got a great discount for buying two dozen at a time and a Christmas cad from the buxom lady behind the counter who had developed a soft spot for him over the years.

Edward reached down and, thank God, his spare key was there. All of Edward's neighbours held keys to his house, but they tended to get upset if he knocked on their doors in the wee small hours begging to be let in. Although he did have the sense to realise it wasn't a good security measure to dish out keys to your flat to all of your neighbours, and it was especially not a good idea to also put them under a plant pot by your front door.

Edward had never been burgled but expected to be any day now. It was long overdue. When all of the emergency key resources had been exhausted, Edward was often forced to sleep in dear old Elizabeth, except for the times when he had abandoned his car at an unknown location. Somewhere in Seattle there were two other cars that belonged to Edward, but he's never been able to find them, despite extensive searched when sober.

"That's my flat." They both looked up at his window.

"So it is."

"Look." Edward said with a sigh. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I'm sure."

"I can call you a cab and we can say goodnight here."

She smiled at him and something about it warmed his heart a little. He thought it was a pretty little smile. His toes suddenly felt very warm and Edward wasn't normally a person who was overly warm of his extremities.

"I don't think that will be necessary."

"I could be an axe murderer." Edward seemed to think it was important for her safety to point this out.

"But you're not."

"No."

The trees trembled deliciously above them.

"Take me inside," the woman said with a shiver. "I'm cold."

Edward took her hand and they went inside.

* * *

Thankyou so much for reading! Once again, please review it will make my day :)


	5. Glitter and Unpleasant Survivors

_**A/N**_

Yes, i know it's been a while and for that i apologize. I was busy writing my entry for LambCullen's Black Balloon Contest. It's dark, it's sexy and verrrrrry angsty. Go check it out on my profile; it's called Noises From Above. It can also be seen on Mrs The Kings One-shot for the readalong's C2!

Enough rambling! Here is Chapter 5!

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Glitter and Unpleasant Survivors**

Edward felt that his apartment looked rather too much like the bachelor pad that it was. Although he hadn't actually planned in bringing anyone back here, in his defence. Not even Bella.

"This is nice," the woman said.

It wasn't. Pizza had been eaten for last night's supper and the box was still on the floor. Not good. Especially when combined with the plates, cups and beer bottles from earlier in the week. Edward had been terribly busy. No time to tidy up the magazines or books or DVDs either. Perhaps, he hoped, it would make him look like an intellectual. And then he saw '_Big Boobed Bitches 4' _on the coffee table. The page three model's breasts were, as usual, bared. Perhaps not.

"Well, its home."

He kicked the empty pizza box under the sofa, and hoped that the woman hadn't noticed. Actually, in spite of the mess, Edward's flat was very nice looking. Mainly because Bella had made him have it all decorated professionally. He'd been given a great bonus last year – due entirely to work done by Jasper and Emmett and not his good self – but, at least, he was aware of that. Edward always made sure he split his annual bonus with his friends three ways because, to be honest, they were the only reason Edward managed to receive a bonus in the first place.

The woman shrugged off the hood of her coat, revealing hair that was the colour of raven's feathers, all black and glossy. It tumbled freely over her shoulders. Edward, for some reason felt breathless. _Oh my… _She was quite enchanting. Her face was tiny, perfectly-shaped and pale. Edward had started to feel flustered. And then he worried that it might not have been such a good idea to bring this strange, suicidal, 1960's throwback woman to his flat without a formal introduction, even though the aforementioned woman was utterly gorgeous.

"Look," Edward said uncomfortably, "I might seem like a 'typical guy'…" he punched her lightly and playfully on the arm, "but you see… I haven't done this sort of thing for ages. I've been with my girlfriend, Bella, for years. I don't do other women. Always been horrible at it. Ever since I was a teenager, I was desperately shy with the opposite sex. I'm hopelessly out of practice. I've only been single for a few hours. I've had no time to sharpen my social skills yet."

"Shall I go and make myself comfortable?" the woman asked.

"Oh. Yes. Comfortable? Yes. That's fine." He knew he was babbling like someone's mother. His mother probably. "Bathroom-type comfortable?" he asked awkwardly

Now it was the woman's turn for confusion. "Is there any other type?"

Edward shrugged, stumped. He had no idea what a woman needed to make herself comfortable. Bella was the only woman of whom Edward had had recent intimate knowledge, and comfort for Bella generally meant a hot-water bottle, baggy tracksuit pants and copious amounts of chocolate. Perhaps he should offer this woman a Mars Bar?

"The bathroom is right through there," he said, running a hand through his ruffled hair. Edward hoped that he hadn't left the seat up and that there were no unpleasant 'survivors' in the toilet bowl. That would be too embarrassing to even contemplate. For him _and_ for the woman. He promised himself that he would hire a cleaning person as soon as humanly possible. The woman headed towards the door.

Edward suddenly laughed out loud at what he saw as the absurdity of this situation. "This is ridiculous!" he said. "I don't know anything about you. Other than you have great party tricks, and wear lacy under…things." She turned and he blinked at her. Her eyes were stunning and they twinkled with mischief. Despite the long trench coat, she was quite the most beautiful woman Edward has seen in a long time. And he did sometimes buy magazines with _very_ beautiful women in them.

"What do you want to know?"

Edward shrugged. "I don't know your name, your age…"

"I'm Alice and I am…a lot older than you"

He laughed again. "Older than me? You don't look it."

"Looks can be deceiving." She said with a little smirk.

Quite mad, he decided. "Well. You look very good."

"Thanks."

"I'm Edward by the way." He nearly held out his hand for her to shake it, but quickly figured that they were past that stage.

"I know." She turned away and left the room, heading into the bathroom.

Edward gave her a tentative wave and tried to look nonchalant but thought quite rightfully, that he had failed. As soon as Alice was out of the room, he ran around in a panic. Plumping couch cushions. Pushing dirty plates, cups and beer cans under the couch which held the freshly plumped cushions. Turning on the side lamps for more seductive lighting. Hiding dubious DVDs rifling through his CD collection. Which were all dodgy. _I should buy an iPod…sort this shit out. _Edward threw the unsatisfactory ones on the floor. Meatloaf. Bon Jovi. Queen. Bruce Springsteen. Air Guitar Greatest Hits. Although he did stop and briefly consider that one. Everyone liked air guitar, he reasoned and practiced a stroke with his own air guitar. Kerrang!

_No. No. _He threw it to the floor with the other rejected CDs.

Edward continued his search. _Whitney Houston? How the fuck did that get there? Must be Bella's._ He flipped through several more titles until he settled on The Foo Fighters. He put the Foos' in the CD player. Everlong. _Shit!_ He muttered under his breath. _Bella's favorite. _Even Edward had realized that it was a bad time to be thinking about his girlfriend. He tried to blank his memory – something he usually had no trouble with at all. He leaned against the wall as he attempted to look casual. _No, all wrong. _Edward tried the sofa. _Nope, too forward. _It would have made him look like he was expecting to fool around, so he tried a different pose. One hand on the head, one hand on the hip. _Nope, too gay._

Alice came out of the bathroom and Edward shot upright in surprise. He was glad that her Lord of the Rings style coat was gone but was worried when he saw that she was indeed, just wearing lingerie. It looked all sort of shimmery and transparent. Even though it worried him, he also rather liked it.

"Oh. My. God."

"Should we go to bed?" she asked boldly.

"Er…" Edward held up The Foo Fighters. "The music?"

Alice smiled and held out her hand. "Come, Edward."

And Edward thought he just might.

* * *

**BPOV**

I allowed my mother to fuss around me, force feeding me an enormous, yet health-giving breakfast of fresh strawberries, yoghurt and wholemeal toast. My mother had even squeezed some fresh orange juice instead of just pouring out the carton variety. It felt nice to be spoiled again. And it was infinitely better than the polystyrene cup of Starbucks coffee that I usually drank on the run from my flat across the bustling streets of the city toward the rather pretentious, and naturally over priced art gallery where I worked.

Now, I felt rather over dressed and slightly seedy in last night's silk cocktail dress and strappy shoes. It had been a long time since I had stayed overnight at my parents' house and the stash of clothes I used to keep there for emergencies, such as this had long since dripped into my own flat.

I'd taken the hint about moving out of home when my parents bought the flat and encouraged me to use it as my own and enthusiastically helped me to pack. After that _amazing _conversation with my mother last night about my father's sexual prowess, I now knew that the real reason why they wanted me out of the house was so they could act like teenagers all over again. _Eww._ The thought made me cringe.

I stared out of the window at the vast expanse of my parents' garden – an oasis in the middle of the city. The bright, plastic swings and slides of my childhood were long gone, replaced by terracotta urns and weathered teak furniture. The garden beds were fit to burst with a profusion of flowers-all of my mothers work. Take away the ambulance sirens, the overhead planes and the general thrum of traffic and you could be in the heart of suburbia. The washed out clouds hung gloomily over the garden and I shivered at the thought of the chilly morning temperature that would no doubt, be waiting outside despite it being the height of our supposed summer.

"Will you be alright darling?"

"I'm fine mother." I called Edward's flat first thing – primarily to remind him that he needed to get up for work, but the call went straight to the answering machine. That either meant that Edward had miraculously heard his alarm clock and was already at work or, more likely, he had slept through it again and was still snuggled in bed.

"How about you let your dad take you home?"

"No, it's okay. I'll be fine. I'll get the bus; it will give me time to think." If I was stuck in the car with my father it would give him far too good an opportunity to lecture me about Edward's shortcomings, yet again. It was depressing that all of my relatives – with the possible exception of my mother – regard Edward as something of a clown, albeit an affable one. What had gone wrong in my world? I had always been such a high achiever in every area, yet when it came to love, I had managed to fall for the least reliable and least romantic man that God had created. Life rarely turned out as you would expect. I could hear myself grinding my teeth on my toast at the realization.

My mother looked at me from over the top of the newspaper and frowned.

"Do some yoga or something before you go into work this week. Or at least visit one of those sexy shops and buy yourself The Rabbit. You need to relax and get rid of that tension. Those Sex and the City girls seemed to enjoy The Rabbit, so no doubt it'll do the trick."

I looked at her in horror. "Mother!"

"What?" she asked not understanding my mortification.

"Am I really that tense?" I asked.

"Nothing that a good massage wouldn't soothe."

"Or a good vibrator?" I retorted. My mother shook her head ignoring my comeback.

"Make it up with Edward," mother urged. "You know you're not happy without him to moan about."

Was that what our relationship had been reduced to – a series of spats to entertain our families? Perhaps Edward wasn't a worthy adversary anymore. Recently, he'd accepted all of my criticisms without complaint, when previously he used to be so feisty. Maybe I had gone too far this time. What if Edward felt that he could no longer do right and simply gave up? I needed to talk to him. But if there was one thing that Edward hated more than staying sober on important occasions, it was talking about anything difficult – or anything at all, really.

I finished my toast, gulped down the rest of my coffee and then gave my mother a kiss goodbye.

"Thanks for looking after me last night. I really do appreciate it."

"What are mothers for?"

"Thanks for the advice too."

"But will you take it, darling?"

I gave her a rueful smile. "Better go. Stuff to do." Sorting out my love life, for one thing.

* * *

There was no one at the bus stop that was remotely attractive, despite the fact that there were about ten guys of assorted age, shape and size in the queue. There was also no one on the bus who made me catch my breath either. Unless you could count the guy who looked and smelt like he hadn't showered in a month. Seattle was definitely suffering from a dearth of delicious men these days. Maybe the World Wildlife Fund should put them on their list of endangered species.

I sat back on my seat and sunk down into my lightweight summer jacket to try and elicit a bit of warmth.

It was ridiculous. I looked at my watch. It wasn't even nine o'clock and I was already softening towards Edward even though he hadn't even called to apologize. I checked my phone for messages. Nothing. All over the bus, women were chatting on their phones and the men were busily texting. I may have been starting my first day in my thirtieth decade but I ccould still remember that bygone age when communication involved real dialogue. Today, everyone seemed to talk so much and yet say so little.

Reluctantly, I ran with the crowd. If you couldn't beat them, join them, and I punched in a rather curt message enquiring into Edward's whereabouts. Then, equally reluctantly, I deleted the message without sending it. I _had _to make a stand. Edward was disgraceful last night. He was drunk and late and idiotic. All of the things he did so well. Despite my mother's advice, I had decided that this time, I was going to let Edward come back, tail between his legs, to me.

Flying in the face of my good intentions, as soon as I opened the door of my flat, I checked my answering machine. The red message light blinked maniacally. As I felt my heart lift, I clapped my hands together and threw off my jacket, and threw it over the back of the sofa. I hit play.

'_Hi!' _my friend Rosalie's voice booms out, filling the tiny lounge. _'Happy Birthday, sweetie. Hope your party wasn't too dull.'_

No, it certainly wasn't dull…

'_Catch ya later tonight hon!' _and the message cut off.

The next offering was from a man trying to sell me a loyalty card for one of the local restaurants. Then there was the obligatory _'Congratulations! You've one a holiday…' _scam – yadda, yadda, yadda. The last message was a birthday greeting from my maternal grandmother who was still alive and kicking, but was deemed too fragile to attend the family party. If she had seen the state of Edward, my poor old granny would have possibly expired on the spot. My grandmother was very elegant if a little shrunken with age. She had been happily married from the tender age nineteen until my grandfather died unexpectedly of a heart attack a few years ago, having just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary.

_Sixty_ years of marriage. I doubted that I would even live that much longer, let alone be married to someone for all those years. If the trend for getting married much later in life was to continue, then the greetings card manufacturers are going to have a surfeit of Golden Anniversary cards on their hands in years to come. And bizarrely, I would like to see one sitting on my mantelpiece at some point. Maybe if Edward got a move on and proposed – like tomorrow – we might just about make it. But the odds of that happening weren't good. Particularly when I realized that those were my only messages and that one from Edward was definitely noticeable by its absence.

I kicked off my shoes and padded through to my bedroom. Edward called it my princess palace and he was probably right. When I started my decorating, I went out and bought every issue of House and Garden and then faithfully replicated a magical pink bedroom complete with flower fairy stencils on the wall and a daisy strewn duvet; intended by the designer for eight year old girls. Perhaps at the age of thirty I should have encompassed something more minimalist or, at least, more adult. Do you think it was a subconscious attempt to inject some fantasy or a little magic into my life? If it was, it didn't appear to be working.

I slipped off my party dress and inwardly scowled at how crumpled it was. I had bought it especially for my birthday and for Edward because I knew he would have liked it. The same went for the ridiculous wisp of Agent Provocateur underwear that was now rolled up and stuffed in the bottom of my handbag. Annoying little fuckers. Admittedly, it wasn't often that I out myself out in the underwear department for Edward, and when I do… what happened? Said boyfriend was too drunk to appreciate the effort.

I laid down on the bed and stretched out, staring at the fairies which fluttered across the ceiling. It would've been nice to be weightless like that, floating free, not tethered to the earth. I had never been delicate like a fairy. I had always been as tough as nails. Maybe I shouldn't have been so dominating with Edward – women of my age seemed to have lost the ability to be feminine. I was too strident with him.

I turned to my iPod dock that lived on my bed side table and flicked through my 'Sleep' playlist. I pressed play and I fell back against the pillows, closed my eyes and allowed the soothing sounds of Enya relax me. I laid there for what seemed like hours, the music still playing, feeling no more relaxed than what I was hours ago. Images of last night playing over and over in my head. I sat up quickly in frustration, the anger I had pushed aside from last night now begged to escape. I turned and looked at my iPod with offence. I raised my hand and swiped it off of the table, letting it fall and smash against the hard wood floors into a thousand little pieces. I sat there staring at the mess willing my heart to stop pounding. I threw myself face first into the pillow and screamed until my lungs burned.

* * *

Edward lay in bed with a grin of epic proportions. He knew he was smiling. In fact, his cheeks ached with the effort. His life size David Beckham poster grinned down from the wall back at him. Becks was a man who Bella hated with an irrational vengeance. What could Edward say about his bedroom? Probably the least said the better. There was a wardrobe. Not much used. Edward had developed a very reliable floor-drobe, and he found that to be much more accessible. Edward believed it must have been a woman who had invented the wardrobe.

He had a bed. A double with black sheets. Edward thought they were kinky, where Bella despised them.

Edward ran his hands through his even more dishevelled hair. The bed was empty apart from Edward. He couldn't believe that his unexpected overnight guest had vanished.

_Shit_

Edward checked under the duvet. No, she'd definitely vamoosed, he concluded. There was however, silver glittery stuff everywhere. _Very strange_.

He sat up, which was a very bad idea. He had a terrible hangover and it felt as if his brain had been replaced by a small cabbage that vibrated with the ferocity of a road drill. He lay down again. The full horror of last night flooded his head.

Had he really turned up pissed at Bella's thirtieth birthday party? Had he really toppled over and knocked over her cake along with Bella? Had he really brought a strange woman home and had he done some extremely naughty things with her for most of the remaining hours of darkness?

Yes.

_Oh FUCK!_ Edward yelled to no one in particular.

Edward knew he had done some very stupid things; it was his specialty. But this was high on the stupidity scale, even for him. He massaged his eyes and hoped it would all go away. He opened his eyes. It didn't.

He gave a glance at the clock. _Shit. Late. Sooooo late. _

Maybe, he thought, his overnight guest was currently in the kitchen making bacon and eggs and he brightened up at the thought. He struggled out of bed, heaving heavy limbs from under the duvet.

Glitter was stuck to his chest and other body parts that shouldn't really come into contact with glitter. _Where did this shit come from? _He said with a shake of his head, in which allowed more glitter to fall and land on the floor.

Edward plodded into the lounge. There was no sign of the elusive Alice. There was however, a Foo Fighters CD case open on the coffee table. And a Foo Fighter CD in the stereo system. _Hells Bells! _He muttered in alarm. _This was worse than I thought._

The kitchen wasn't a pretty sight either. There was no smell of succulent sizzling bacon. Probably because Edward didn't have any bacon. And there was no Alice either. He stared around in a perplexed manner.

_Not even a note._

He opened the fridge and quickly slammed it shut again; praying that the offensive smell would still be contained inside. He pinched his nose and left the kitchen. Breakfast, he had decided, was too complicated.

Dressing proved to be a painful experience, but Edward was at least ready to face the day. He'd combed the glitter out of his hair. Well, mostly. He checked in the mirror to see that he looked great. No one would believe that he had had a wild night on the tiles. He checked the mirror again. Yeah, right, those bloodshot eyes would fool no one.

What he couldn't believe was that Alice had just upped and left without saying goodbye. Did girls do that? Edward thought only guys did the proverbial runner. He realized that he knew nothing about the mysterious world of dating or casual sex.

He knew he should call Bella but felt deeply guilty and was sure that she hated him. A phone call would probably only antagonize her.

Edward felt weird. Not in a drunk sense. Just weird and perhaps a little bit disappointed. He had liked Alice. Even though she was very strange and apparently, quite a lot older than him. Edward shrugged his shoulders and it hurt his shoulders and his brain.

_Women._

* * *

_Thanks for reading guys! Please review and let me know what you think, it would make me very happy! Happy Author = More chapters!_

_xoxox_


	6. Birkin Bags and Danish Pastries

A/N Here is another chapter! It's a shortie, but a goodie!

Thankyou for all the reviews! You all seem to be on Team Bella at the moment, which isn't really that surprising…however, I think Doucheward deserves a little bit of a break :)

On a side note, head to my profile. There, you can find links to all of the outfits and different things that are mentioned in the story!

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything recognizable in this story.

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**Chapter 6 – Birkin Bags and Danish Pastries**

Alice walked down the street, swinging her hips as the traffic thundered by. In a less politically correct age, she would have been hooted at by several men driving white vans.

The long coat and wisp of a dress had been replaced by a smart, but very sexy black business suit and yellow blouse. She carried a black leather Birkin bag – a 'must have', it had said in a glossy magazine that she'd studies so carefully on her arrival in Seattle.

As she walked, she swished her hair, aware that she turned heads as she did. It was a nice feeling and she smiled at the guys who passed, taking delight as their mouths hung limply and walked distractedly into lamp posts, bollards and traffic signs.

Outside one of the tall, glass-frosted office blocks a trade exhibition for Japan was advertised. Colourful oriental kites hung from flagpoles, Red and black wooden pergolas decorated with elaborate wind chimes were displayed.

As Alice passed, the kites fluttered wildly as if buffeted by a playful breeze. She fluttered her eyelashes at the nearby businessmen, who all stopped and stared. Alice giggled. This was so much more fun than she'd ever imagined.

She stopped outside of the offices of Reliable Temporary Staff; she admired herself in the window and adjusted her pinstripe jacket. She slung the Birkin bag jauntily over her shoulder just as she'd seen in the fashion spread and went inside.

The office was chilly with the blast of air-conditioning and was painted the blandest shade of beige imaginable. A woman at the first desk eyed Alice coolly. Alice smiled and sat down In front of her. The woman's expression didn't change.

"How can I help?" She asked Alice in a monotone, obviously uninterested.

Alice met her glaze. "I'm looking for a job."

"Well you have certainly come to the right place." The woman smiled tightly.

"Do you have an appointment?"

Alice looked at the other desks. There were three other women all sitting alone at them. "No."

There was an audible sigh and the woman turned to her keyboard.

"Name?"

"Alice."

The woman paused, and when there was nothing more forth coming: "Surname?"

Alice stared at her blankly.

"Surname," she repeated. "Or are you a celebrity? Like Jordan or Madonna or Cher? Do you have a last name?"

Alice scanned the office. Her eyes fell on the computer printer.

"Hewlett-Packard," she said.

The woman raised her eyebrows. "Alice Hewlett-Packard."

"Yes." Alice thought that sounded nice. "What's your name?"

"Patience," the woman replied sarcastically, and indicated her displeasure with another, more pronounced sigh. "Previous experience?"

"None."

"None?" Patience repeated.

"None."

She sighed again. This time even more heartfelt. "Qualifications?"

Alice's smile widened. "None."

"None?"

"Whatsoever."

Patience pushed her keyboard away from her and fixed Alice with a stare. "Ms…Hewlett-Packard," she said. "I'm afraid that…"

"I don't just want _a _job," Alice told her as she took a small glittery wand from her Birkin bag. She waved it at Patience, who put into a dazed trance. "I want _this _job."

Alice pointed her wand at Patience's computer. The screen scrolled wildly until it flashed up the name Thornton and McCabe. Alice tapped the screen with her wand.

Patience blinked amiably. "I'll arrange an interview for you."

"Today." Alice said sweetly. "At three o'clock."

"Fine." Patience replied.

Alice zapped the woman again, stood up and returned the wand to the depths of her bag. Patience looked completely dazed and grinned at Alice inanely.

"Thank you, Patience." Alice said politely. She reached out and shook her hand. "You have been so very helpful."

Patience smiled. "It's been my pleasure."

"No," Alice smiled back. "I think you'll find the pleasure's all mine."

* * *

That was Edward's office. Thornton and McCabe Associates. A big glass monstrosity, shaped rather like a phallic symbol that stood in the middle of the city. It was very fitting for the type of well-heeled financial firm that Edward worked for. Edward wasn't very fitting for them though, that was the mystery.

While waiting for the elevator to pick him up, Edward worried about the fact that Bella hadn't called to harangue him yet. He normally would have expected at least ten god damn phone calls by now. Given the passing out incident, he wondered of he should call her instead. Then he remembered, guiltily, the events that had occurred after he had passed out and regained consciousness, and thought that maybe he would leave it for a little bit longer.

Once the elevator picked up Edward, and reached the level where his office was he had decided that he was going to try and forget about Bella. For the rest of the day at least.

Jasper and Emmett were already at their desks. This was not a surprise. Not only were they gifted in the mysterious ways of the world of high finance – something Edward had never quite come to grips with – but they were also punctual.

Jasper's proper title was Mr. Jasper Whitlock. Edward and Jasper had worked together for several years now – well, Jasper worked and Edward simply turned up at the same place daily. They shared the same taste in music, television programmes, films and video games – Grand Theft Auto was one of their favorites.

Emmett was your typical guy next door. He could be a pain in the ass with his booming loud voice, or he could be the guy to talk to when you have had a bad day. He was like a brother to Edward, and they felt like they had known each other forever. He had muscles the size of…well…something huge, despite the fact that he had a severe sweet tooth.

"You look particularly awful today, Edward." Emmett said as he took another massive bite from his Danish pastry.

"Thanks," Edward said. "I feel it." And he went to the coffee machine to top up on chemicals that would hopefully help him through the duration of what was going to be a long day. Edward was feeling very weak and he was convinced it must be from the lack of breakfast – on top of the monumental hangover and no sleep, of course.

Sitting on the edge of Emmett's desk, Edward helped himself to one of his pastries.

"Umm…" Emmett slapped his hand, but only in a playful way.

"No wonder you're late." Jasper said as he joined them, and grabbed one of Emmett's Danishes. "You look like the arse end of Hell bro."

"Thanks." I replied bitterly.

"And why the fuck are you are you covered in glitter? You know that Mardi Gras isn't for a couple more weeks, right?"

"I had a very weird night." Edward told them between mouthfuls.

"Didn't we all," Emmett noted.

"When I say weird, I mean really weird." Edward beckoned them into a huddle. "I met the most amazing woman last night."

They all looked over their shoulders to ensure the Big Boss was no where in sight, and then reconvened.

"She was about to throw herself off the bridge." Edward paused to allow his colleagues to look suitably horrified. "Somehow, I managed to talk her out of it."

"You usually make people want to throw themselves off bridges." Jasper retorted.

"I know, I know." Edward gave them a perplexed shrug. "She came back to my flat. She spent the night. We had the most amazing sex. Absolutely fantastic. I mean…six times. I definitely need some Red Bull or something soon."

"No way!"

Emmett let some of his Danish pastry fall out of his mouth.

"Really." Edward lowered his voice. "I woke up covered in glitter and my hair was standing on end."

"Looks like your hair wasn't the only thing standing on end." Emmett pointed out with a chuckle.

"As I was saying…when I woke up, she was gone. No note. Nothing."

"Sounds perfect." Jasper concluded.

"Yeah," Edward said thoughtfully. "Except, I sort of would have liked her to stick around. Y'know? At least long enough for me to get her number or learn her last name."

"Ooo," Emmett and Jasper said in unison.

"Told ya it was weird."

"You were very drunk last night, Edward. Even by your standards."

"I know. I could have imagined the whole thing, I suppose."

"Except for the glitter." Emmett offered.

Edward shook his head and more silver dust fell onto the desk, despite the fact that he had washed it twice with extra strength Head & Shoulders. "Except for the glitter." Edward agreed.

The Big Boss exited the lift and entered the office. "Haven't you lot got any work to do?" he said sharply. "Stop hangin' about and gossiping like some mothers' club!" and then he scurried away into the privacy of his own office.

"Have we got any work to do?" Edward asked.

"Nothing that can't wait," Emmett assured him and they returned to their conversation.

"What happened to Bella?" Emmett asked as he gathered the rest of his pastries to himself protectively. "I thought you were going to her birthday party.

"I did."

They waited expectantly. Edward would have liked to disappoint them and tell them that it was all completely uneventful, but given his previous discourse they wouldn't have believed him. "I fell over, took her down with me," he admitted. "Well, more sort of passed out." He grimaced.

His friends grimaced in support.

"She dumped me."

"Again?" Jasper frequently voiced his opinion that he believed the course of true love should run infinitely more smoothly than the lumpy route Bella and Edward had decided to take.

"Yeah." Edward tried to look downcast, but it was very hard when he began to remember the full outcome of the previous night's indiscretions, "I think she really means it this time though."

"You say that every time," Emmett pointed out.

"Yeah, though she might be a bit more serious if she ever finds out about Miss Glitter Knickers."

"True." Jasper replied. Edward and Jasper stood up and prepared themselves for the rigours of the day that lay ahead by stealing the rest of Emmett's pastry stash.

"Hey!" Emmett complained, and Edward and Jasper hurried away laughing like a bunch of school girls.

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading! Please take the time to review! More reviews = happy author. Happy author = more chapters!


	7. Guys' and Girls'

A/N You guys are lucky that I haven't been to work this week! Three chapters in a week! Say thank you buy leaving a review at the end!

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**Chapter 7 – Guys' Under the Table and Girls' in Magazines**

The gallery where I worked was in a tiny cobbled courtyard amid the winding, narrow back streets of the old tobacco warehouses which had now been converted into trendy studio apartments. It was in a world all of its own; a quiet, restful sanctuary, cut off from the roughness of Seattle proper. The surrounding shops were made up of exclusive jewellers, high-end estate agents, boutiques selling handbags with price tags that start at two thousand dollars.

The Art not Terminal Gallery had the type of intimidating frontage that put off all but the most dedicated art collector – and that was exactly how the owner, Aro Volturi, liked it. We were currently exhibiting sculptures by an up-and-coming artist Felix – no last name – which meant that we were displaying life size naked torsos fashioned from wire mesh, complete with 'men's furniture' as my mother would call it.

We only had a few other regular clients at the gallery, but those who did visit, tended to spend vast sums of money in one fell swoop. That was a good thing for me, and Rosalie and I were paid partly on commission.

Going for quality rather than quantity of customers did tend to make the days drag somewhat, but ever since we had a bungles ram-raid last year, Aro had been forced to employ increased security measures, which meant that now my friend and I worked together on the same shift instead of just crossing paths briefly when we change over. Aro deemed it too unsafe for one person to be entrusted with the safe keeping of the artworks in the gallery and secretly, I was rather glad of it. Gossiping with my friend at least made the slow hours more enjoyable.

Rosalie and I got on very well. We enjoyed the same taste in scandal, were educated to the same standard in the same sort of pretentious schooling institute and we both think that the art we sell is over-priced.

My friend is tall and blonde and looks like a man eater although she always complained that there was too much of a time lapse between infrequent dates. Rosalie shared a flat with her brother and made it a rule to never go out with any of his mates, mainly so that they can't regale her sibling with salacious tales when the relationship invariably went wrong.

In our cash rich, time poor society, there seemed to be very little time left to devote to nurturing relationships. Women, it was said, were having less sex than women were in the 1950's. I certainly was, and even Rosalie insisted that it was better to be celibate than have her sex life discussed by her brother down at the bar. At least she didn't have a boyfriend like Edward to contend with. Having listened to me relate tales of Edward's adventures, Rosalie had said on more than one occasion that she was glad she was single. She had never said it with a lot of enthusiasm though.

The rooms in the art gallery were all white, brightly lit and, beyond the main reception and the naked torsos, were hung with a small selection of canary yellow paintings done by yet another upcoming artist from a small down just outside of Seattle. Today, the paintings were giving me a headache.

It was nearly lunchtime and I was still complaining to Rosalie about Edward and his latest fuck up.

Rosalie suddenly looked up from the magazine that she was reading and said, "Didn't you dump him last week?"

"Yes," I reply tetchily. Rosalie wasn't being particularly sympathetic to my plight. When I had told her about the passing out incident, she actually had laughed. Aren't w girls supposed to stick together? "But not for real. This time it's for real."

"Does Edward realize that?"

I pulled at my hair. "Do you think I should call him and tell him again?" I said as I picked up my phone, toying with it.

Rosalie closed her magazine and folded it on her lap. "Isn't that how you always get back together?"

I put down the phone. "So you don't think I should ring him?"

"What is _wrong _with people these days?" Rosalie sighed. "Take our group of friends. We're all the wrong side of thirty. Only just in your case, admittedly. But none of us are even near settling down. It's not just Edward who seems to be stretching out his teenage years – we're guilty too. We should have mortgages and pension plans and children. I can't even get a man. Or, at least not one that doesn't just want casual and convenient sex for a few weeks. You've landed yourself with the most remotely juvenile commitment-phobe imaginable and yet you can't let go. You're hanging on there in the unlikely event that Edward will suddenly grow up and become your prince charming, the perfect boyfriend.

"Edward isn't that bad."

"You've been bitching and complaining about him all morning, Bella," my friend pointed out. "Every morning for the past five years, in fact."

I opened my mouth but I didn't speak.

"There are a lot worse than Edward out there," Rosalie said. "He's handsome, he's rich and you could have a great laugh with him, if you weren't so concerned about your image. Perhaps if you weren't so down on him all the time the he wouldn't feel the need to live up to his reputation. If you don't want him anymore then move on and let some of us poor unfortunate ladies have a go."

"I love Edward," I insisted. "I'm simply trying to mould him…a little bit." Isn't that what love was all about? You find someone nearly perfect and then chip away at their tough edges until they eventually become the person you want them to be.

"You're going to 'mould' him into the arms of someone else of you're not very careful."

"There are very few people who wouldn't benefit from some self improvement."

Rosalie rolled her eyes at me. "You included?"

"Well…" I faltered.

"You could be the perfect couple if only Edward wasn't such a kid and you weren't so anal. Meet him half way."

Good advice possibly, but I had no idea where halfway between kid and anal would be.

Rosalie extracted her emery board from the corner of the desk drawer. She was very proud of her nails, which were long and always painted. They weren't acrylic, they were her own. With a flick of her emery board she pointed out the window. "Ditch Edward for good and you could end up with someone like _that._"

There was a man lurking on the street, staring at the naked torsos. It looked like something he might do a lot. As a hobby. He was short with thinning hair and was wearing a grey rain coat even though it wasn't raining.

"So what do you think I should do?" I asked.

The creepy man entered the gallery. "I wonder if you could tell me something about the sculptures in the window."

Rosalie went to answer him, but I cut her off in her prime.

I sighed. There was no way that this guy was a serious art lover. He had 'time waster' and possibly 'pervert' stamped all over him.

"Cant you see that we are busy?" I scolded and the man looked affronted.

"Do you think we're here – in this gallery and on this planet – so that you can treat us exactly as you like?"

Terror sprung into his eyes and before I could get into full blow, he scurried out again.

"So, you haven't bought The Rabbit that Renee told you to get yet?" Rosalie said over her nail filing.

"How did you know about that?" I asked with surprise.

She said nothing.

* * *

Edward was With Jasper and Emmett and they were sitting at their favourite table at their favourite lunch time haunt – Sade. The bar was a hop, skip and a jump from their office. The place was busier than usual today, so they were all huddled together at their small table.

Music blared out – Amy Winehouse or something – and they found it difficult to hear each other speak. They had given up trying to maintain a conversation over the noise so they simply focussed on their over priced but freshly made ciabatta sandwiches.

"You are looking very romantically inclined," Jasper said between bites of his bread and Edward noticed that he was staring wistfully out of the window.

"She was very nice." He replied.

"Miss Glitter Knickers?" Emmett didn't appreciate that speaking with a mouth full of food wasn't polite.

Edward nodded in response. "I can't believe she used me, abused me and then disappeared."

"I can't believe you are so fuckin' lucky."

Jasper scratched his head and hesitantly asked. "I thought you were in love with Bella?"

Edward couldn't admit this out loud – he was a man, after all – and men had enough trouble admitting that sort of stuff to themselves, let alone to others. But this woman, Alice, he had no idea what she'd done to him, but…well; she'd simply turned his world upside down. And his world hadn't been turned upside down for a long time.

Edward had been with Bella for years. He knew nothing else. Not really. She had been the only person he'd ever had a long term relationship with. The sad fact was that this new woman had walked into his life out of nowhere and quite frankly Edward had started to feel a little bit different about things.

Sex for example. Edward would have said that his sex life with Bella was good. Very good. Now…he wasn't so sure. When Alice had made love to him it was a revelation. And he had chosen those words very carefully. Alice just didn't have sex with him; she definitely made love to him. All night. It wasn't fast paced, rough and a race to the finish line. It was soft and gentle, almost like a coordinated dance. Just…horizontal.

Edward hadn't been so energetic since he was a teenager and if he was honest, Alice had been very much in charge. Not in a kinky way, in a gentle way. Bella was always in charge of their love making. Edward didn't want to go into too much detail, but Bella could be bossy. Very bossy. Even between the sheets there was no 'off' switch for her built in bossiness – it was always _Edward, do this! Edward harder/faster/slower Edward, any way but the way you are doing it. _Though Edward had thought that it was wonderful that women and men were now equals and they could vote and drive racing cars or play rugby and demand what they wanted in bed, he also thought: Sometimes, ladies, it would be nice if you'd pretend that men are in control…just every now and again. Faking it could be good. Really. Men were such simple souls – a bit of praise once in a while worked wonders. Edward didn't think that Alice was faking it, but she certainly didn't have any complaints

It was a revelation to Edward that someone could find him wonderful without him having to pretend not to be him

Edward did the romantic sigh again. "I thought I was in love with Bella."

"But not anymore?" Jasper asked.

"I have absolutely no idea."

"Well, here's your chance to find out. Bella alert!" Emmett called out quickly.

Edward glanced up and Emmett was right. Bella was walking past the window and peering in. She knew that Edward was there, regular as clockwork, virtually every day of the week.

"Oh no…" he gave Jasper and Emmett an impassioned look. "I can't do this now. Really, I can't."

Bella's shoes were circling the table slowly. Edward knew it was her from the determination of her step rather than recognising her choice of footwear. He was ashamed to admit this, but to avoid Bella, Jasper, Emmett and Edward all slid under the table. They sat up with their knees up around their ears and their heads bent down low. The shoes tapped around the table with a menacing air and then disappeared.

"She's gone," Emmett said.

"Check." Edward advised. Bella was very devious and could just be lurking ready to pounce.

Emmett popped his head out. "She's definitely gone. The coast is clear."

They unfolded their knees, realising they might have benefited from a few years of yogalates before adopting this extreme position.

"Did she have instruments with her?"

Emmett shook his head.

"Sharp ones?" I pushed further.

"Not that I could see."

"Emotional torture then." Edward concluded. This was the worst form of punishment and the one at which Bella was most effective. She was like the love child of Freddy Krueger when pissed off.

They crawled out from underneath the table, trying not to spill valuable droplets of their beer, which had come with them under the table.

"You could just talk to her," Jasper suggested, as he picked bits of fluff from his trousers with a scowl on his face.

Emmett and Edward stared at him open mouthed. Edward couldn't even begin to locate the power of speech.

"What?" Jasper said when they remained silent.

"Are you mad?" Emmett asked eventually. "Completely fucking mad as a hatter?"

"We're guys," Edward pointed out. "Talking is like an alien concept to us…with the exception of Dr. Phil of course."

"Sorry," Jasper said sheepily. "I don't know what I was thinking."

There was a pink Post-It note stuck to the top of the table amid the napkins and bits of stale peanut. As they resumed their places, Edward picked up the note.

_Grow up!_

_- Bella_

* * *

Alice stood and regarded the towering office of Thornton and McCabe, before hitching her bad onto her shoulder and stepping purposefully inside. The building was all shiny and hard-edged, very different to what she was used to. Her eyes widened in wonder. There were tall trees growing inside and she'd never seen that before. Where she came from, trees grew outside in the woods. She was already learning so much. Thrilled rather than daunted by the strangeness of her surroundings, Alice checked through the list of companies displayed on a stainless steel noticeboard in the foyer until she found the floor that she wanted.

Following the heavy stream of men and women in smart suits, she stepped into a small glass room that took them up. Alice pressed her small face up against the glass and watched the people below her get smaller and smaller. She was pleased she had done her homework and looked just like everybody else.

She had twisted her long flowing hair into a tidy bun and had produced some horn rimmed glasses to compete her look. Alice smiled to herself. Fitting in here was not going to be a problem at all. She couldn't wait.

There was a small reception area with another tight lipped woman enclosed behind a desk. Perhaps it was a requirement here for women behind desks to be unpleasant.

"Yes?" the woman said without looking up.

"I have an interview," Alice told the top of her head. "With a Mr. Stanley.

"Name?"

"Alice Hewlett-Packard."

"Take a seat please." When the woman finally looked up, she glowered at Alice who smiled politely back.

Alice sat down and leafed through magazines on the coffee table. If there was anything destined to make her feel like an outsider is was the fashions. She'd have to get a grip on those. Her outfit today was a success, but it was still difficult when so few of the women on the street looked like the women in the fashion magazines. Women here were all shapes and sizes and yet there appeared to be a separate long, thin race of women without blemishes who were the only ones allowed to be featured in magazines.

"Mr Stanley will see you now." The woman informed her crisply. "The third door on the left."

Alice walked down the hallway, aware that from the open plan office many heads had swivelled in her direction. She turned and gave the men in the office a dazzling smile before she disappeared into Mr Stanley's office.

Mr Stanley was hurriedly swallowing two pills as she went in and clearly looked unwell. He stood up and walked from behind his desk to greet her. Mr Stanley too looked taken aback by her appearance and Alice wondered if all women had this effect on men. If they did, it was rather nice.

"Good afternoon, Ms…er…"

"Alice." She shook his hand.

"Alice. Nice to meet you Alice, and may I say, those are some crazy lookin' shoes ya got there!" She said nothing, and gave him a bright smile. "Please, sit down."

Alice sat down opposite him while Mr Stanley ruffled through the piles of paperwork on his desk. It was a terribly untidy office. There were mountains of documents that looked like they should have been filed away and the potted plants drooped listlessly. This man definitely needed help.

"I don't seem to have a CV here for you," he said at length, then abandoned his search. "I must have misplaced it. Have you brought one with you?"

"Of course." Alice opened her handbag and pulled out her wand again. She zapped Mr Stanley.

"Oh my God," Mr Stanley said.

"I would like to start tomorrow."

Her future boss shook himself. "Yes, yes that seems fine. It all seems to be in order."

Alice tucked her wand away

"Welcome on board!" Mr Stanley shook her hand, starting as if he had touched an electrical socket by mistake. "We'll see you at nine o'clock prompt."

"Prompt?"

"If that suits you, of course." Mr Stanley said.

Alice stood up and went over and kissed Mr Stanley on the cheek. "That suits me just fine."

"Good. Good." Mr Stanley replied as he stroked his cheek.

"I'll see you in the morning!"

"Wonderful."

"You should start to feel better now," Alice said and she went out to survey her new empire.

"I'm fine," Mr Stanley said, dazed. He picked up the pill bottle from his pocked to check exactly what he had taken.

* * *

A/N Thanks for reading guys! Let me know what you think of my little story so far. There are LOTS of readers, but barely any reviewers! Make my day and leave one!


	8. Hallucinations and Butterflies

A/N Thankyou for all the reviews! It really does make me happy! It's hard to see that your story has thousands of hits but barely any reviews.

On a side note, head over to my profile, you will find links to all of the outfits and other cool stuff there! While you're there check out my other stories, they are all very different from one another and all have different pairings :) something for everybody I think!

Anyway…here it is, the chapter you have all been waiting for…Alice and Edward re unite!

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or anything recognizable in this story. No Copyright infringement is intended.

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**Chapter 8 – Hallucinations and Butterflies**

Edward hadn't chosen this particular path, it had been chosen for him. Basically, Edward was doing his job because his father had secured it for him through a friend of a friend. It was a terrible admission, Edward knew that. But when he'd left college, after he'd enjoyed three very nice years of drunken debauchery and yet somehow managed to graduate. His father took over his employment decisions and within weeks Edward was in the City, in finance, in this office.

And all these years later, having managed to hang onto his job by the skin of is teeth, he still really had no idea what he was actually doing or why, indeed, he was doing it. Throughout the morning he'd been crunching numbers for a purpose that steadfastly eluded him. If he were saving lives by curing cancer or teaching children with learning disabilities or something that had a tangible end product other than simply making more money, then he might have felt it worthwhile. Emmett and Jasper had no such compunction – they loved making money for the sake of it. In fact, they loved it so much that they excelled at it and therefore, had time to cover Edward's ass when he fell woefully short of expectations. For this, he thanked them. Regularly.

Before Edward could lament this further, his eye made an involuntary glance up at the clock – not for the first time today – to check the time and see how much longer this interminable afternoon had left to run. _Wait... Holy Shit! _It was her. Ms Glitter Knickers!

She was grinning at him and mouthed 'See you later,' before she disappeared around the corner towards the bank of elevators.

_Oh God…Shit. _Edward tried to log off from his computer quickly, and in the process pressed all the wrong stupid buttons. _Come on! C'mon, C'mon, C'mon! _And then he accidentally knocked over his cup of coffee onto the keyboard which meant he had to use his suit jacket to mop up the spill. And then his suit jacket knocked all of his printed documents on to the floor. _Fuuuuuuuck!_

Finally he managed by some miracle to disentangle himself from his desk, leaving a trail of devastation behind him. As he arrived at the lift he saw the doors close with Alice inside. She lifted her hand in a delicate wave and he was left looking at his own reflection staring back at him from the shiny elevator doors.

The only thing he could do was to take the stairs. If Edward took the stairs two at a time, he could head off the lift by the time it got to the bottom. Even at this point, Edward realized that he was failing to take into account that he was on the tenth floor and was basically, was an unfit bastard. All of those hours he could have spent at the gym rather than wasting his money at seedy bars would have come in handy right then.

What was he thinking of? They did it in films all the time. Heading off villains and departing romantic heroines with consummate ease. Edward sprinted to the emergency exit door which led to the stairs.

What Thornton and McCabe had lavished on marble and chrome for the public areas of the offices they had saved by making the back stairs the most dingy place on earth. It was a dimly lit underbelly of unpainted concrete and it echoed eerily. The sort of place that any self-respecting serial killer would be happy to call home.

As Edward had promised himself, he took the stairs two at a time, sprinting athletically while still clinging to the black iron handrail for balance. His feet cluttered on the concrete steps. Edward hadn't run like this since… probably primary school. Truth be told, he couldn't actually remember. Generally, he tried to avoid exerting himself at all costs. But these were extreme circumstances. Whatever it took, Edward had to find her before she walked out of his life again. If nothing else, he needed to know what on earth was going on. In times of crisis it was well known that humans are capable of producing superhuman effort.

One floor later…

_Ouff. Ouff. Not. That. Fit. At. All. _

Two floors later…

_Shit. _Pant. Pant. Stopped for a minute. Breathe. Breathe. Hot air in lungs. _Gotta give up smoking. Gotta hit the gym._

…_I'm never gonna find her…_

In the rare sunshine, Japer and Emmett sat on one of the granite walls that surrounded the flowerbeds outside of the Thornton and McCabe building – originally installed to soften the hard edges of the brash architecture, but in effect, a great refuge for the hardened smokers among the largely nicotine-encrusted staff. They ledges were the perfect height for the perching of a bottom and a regular prayer of thanks was said to the man who designed them for that fact. Otherwise, they would be all forced to stand with their cigarettes. Terrible hardship.

Emmett was a social smoker but he chain-ate Mars Bars which also made him something of a leper in the offices where carb-free seemed to be king. How that guy wasn't morbidly obese, Edward would never know.

Emmett alternated between puffs of his low tar cigarettes with gargantuan bites of a chocolate bar. Jasper however, was dragging deeply on his outsize, full hit ciggie. A tiny silver butterfly flitted past Edward's eye, brushing his hair and he wafted it away with his hand. In a nice way of course, not irritably. Mainly because he was to tired to do irritable and it was a very pretty butterfly. It was depressing that they had such short life spans so Edward tried not to think about butterflies too often. The butterfly eschewed the fragrant flowers and fluttered off into the congestion of cars.

Edward wandered over to Emmett and Jasper and sat down next to them.

"I'm on the cadge," he said to no one in particular.

"Cancer or calories?" Emmett enquired.

"er…cancer."

Emmett handed him a cigarette and Edward went through the blessed ritual of lighting up which, actually, he preferred to the process of smoking. Edward loved all the fiddling about with the packet and the cigarette and the lighter. After the first inhalation he could take it or leave it.

"I thought you'd given up?"

Though leaving it was actually a bit harder in practice.

"So did I."

They all sat in a row like three wise monkeys and dragged on their cigarettes in unison.

"You didn't happen to see an extraordinarily beautiful girl pass by a few minutes ago did you?" Edward asked, breaking the comfortable silence.

"How beautiful?" Emmett wanted to know.

"One look would be enough to melt the elastic on your boxers."

Emmett and Jasper looked impressed and then suddenly the penny dropped. Jaspers mouth fell slightly agog.

"Not Ms Glitter Knickers again?" Jasper asked curiously.

Edward nodded in confirmation. "I'm sure I saw her in the office. Just now. She came out of Stanley's office, waved to me and then disappeared into the elevator. I ran down the stairs…

"You did what?" Emmett asked trying to stifle a laugh.

"I ran down the stairs after her."

They both looked at Edward in disbelief.

"But you're terminally unfit," Coughed Emmett.

"And you had sex like six times last night," Jasper reminded him. "Even Jenna Jameson would be hard pushed to summon up a run after that."

"True." Edward conceded. Then, as they all contemplated this turn of events over another drag, "But neither of you saw her leave the building?"

His friends shook their heads and looked rather disappointed that they hadn't.

"She's utterly gorgeous," Edward said flatly. "And now I'm not sure if the whole thing was a hallucination." Instead of translucent underwear and a velvet trench coat, she had been wearing very flattering business suit, but Edward would have known her anywhere. He was he would. "There were some odd things happening to me…and I don't know why."

"When did you last have a holiday, mate?" Japer asked. "Even for you, you're acting very strangely."

"Yeah," Edward agreed. "I'd be the first to admit that I'm feeling decidedly unhinged at the moment.

"What you need is a few glasses of fizz inside you. Hair of the dog and all that. We must head straight to the nearest and seediest bar as soon as we are released from our daily toil.

But – and this was really strange – Edward could not summon up the necessary enthusiasm for heavy drinking. Very strange indeed.

"I think I'll give it a miss boys."

Stubbing out his cigarette, Edward turned and wandered back into the office. As he left, he heard Emmett and Jasper mutter, "That is not a well man! Quick! Dial 911!"

Edward went home early. This along with him refusing to drink was also unheard of. You could be sacked from Thornton and McCabe for simply going home on time. He had taken a cab as he felt far too peculiar to face a long walk or be squished on the subway – even though it was only a few stops.

He sat in the back of the cab and thought about recent events. He should call Bella, he knew he should. But, basically he was frightened of her. If he even spoke to her she would know that he'd been having carnal knowledge of another woman. Edward would bet that she could even spot a few lustful thoughts from a mile away. She would, no doubt be deeply suspicious of the silver glitter that was still sprouting forth from his hair. He looked like someone who had spent too long at a glam-rock fancy dress party. Actually, that would be a rather good excuse should he ever need one.

Edward's phone had been turned off all day and he didn't dare check it for messages. He wasn't trying to avoid reality, not really. He just wasn't ready to visit it at the moment, Edward was also thinking of having an early night and wondered with approaching alarm, if the Peter Pan phase of his life was suddenly coming to an end. That would be too hideous to contemplate. One night of athletic lust and he was already knackered. Very soon, he could be forced to consider a pension fund and health insurance and all manner of responsible things. He might even start buying slippers and a new toothbrush every couple of months. Edward shuddered just thinking about it, so he stopped and thought about Bella instead.

Edward paid the taxi driver and glad to still be in possession of his latest door key, let himself inside the house.

As Edward climbed the stairs he felt quite low, as if he was coming down with a cold. But when he opened the door to his apartment, he heard the sound of music coming from the kitchen – not the Julie Andrews _Sound of Music _we all knew and loved. No. The sound of this music was produced by James Brown's dulcet tones screeching out 'Get Up Offa That Thing'.

Assuming that a burglar wouldn't be so bold or have such great taste in music, Edward pushed open the kitchen door. Alice – Ms Glitter Knickers - was dancing around his kitchen. His uninvited guest was barefoot and dressed only in a brief slip of silk kimono which Edward found very appealing. She was also brandishing a small silver wand. Oh and the dirty dishes were washing themselves. They were jumping in and out of the sink all of their own accord. Very much in time to the music. It was like something out of Mary Poppins. Alice was conducting them. She was quite a mover…so were Edward's plates. His knives and forks weren't too shabby either as they performed a passable disco routine.

"Hello," Edward said.

"Ooo."

The music stopped abruptly and Alice spun around, clutching her wand to her chest. Her kimono was gaping attractively in all the right places. Edward's dishes ground to a halt, some huddled together nervously as if discovered _flagrante delicto _rather than just a bit of dancing. Some toppled into the sink in surprise.

"Relax." Alice said to the dishes. They all fell back onto the draining board and there was a noise that sounded remarkably like a plate sighing.

"Another interesting party trick," Edward felt moved to say. Even though he was amazed he still had the power of speech.

"I can explain," Alice said, as she hung her head, chewed her lip and doing all sorts of cute 'I'm embarrassed' type stuff. I walked over to the fridge and opened it gingerly just in case the carton of milk was doing a tango; Edward helped himself to a beer.

"I can't wait to hear."

Edward then opened a kitchen cupboard and tried to find some peanuts or something to snack on that would go well with beer. This was a definite snack attack moment. Edward thought that he must be turning into Emmett. Once he'd found some comfort food and a modicum of equilibrium, he turned his attention back to Alice.

She made a huffing sound as she met his eyes.

"I'm not like other women." She said.

"I've managed to work out that much."

"I'm a fairy."

Blame it on shock, but somehow Edward managed to hit his head on the cupboard door, and the next thing her saw was the floor coming up to meet him.

* * *

A/N Okay....what do you think? Are you mad i left it there? Worry not will not be much of a cliffie as the next chapter should be up tomorrow!

Leave me a review (and i'll stop nagging)


	9. Dancing Dishes and Screaming Voicemails

**Told ya you wouldn't have to wait long! Thankyou so much for the reviews, it really does motivate me to write more for you guys.**

**it's a shorter chapter, mostly because the next part is Bella POV and it just didnt look right. You'll see what i mean by the end. If you are looking for something else to read (after this of course haha) check out my New O/s (soon to be new WIP) The Sacrament of Penance. It has been something i have worked very hard on for quite some time. It's smutty and...just...well it's very different. OK! Enough with the rambling!**

**Oh...and just for the record... Edward will not be contracting 'Fairy herpes' or any other related STD...LMAO that review made my day, seriously :P**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight...and honestly i dont want to :P**

* * *

**Chapter 9 - Dancing Dishes and Screaming Voicemails **

Alice dabbed at the cut on Edward's forehead with a damp cloth. Edward was popped upright on a kitchen chair, but the universe still seemed rather skewed. He was bleeding rather profusely and was convinced that he wasn't long for this world.

"Ow! Ow!" he cringed and attempted to move away from her touch.

"For heaven's sake," Alice muttered, scowling at him. Despite the pain, Edward thought she looked rather cute.

With an insouciant stare, she pulled out her wand and even though Edward shrank back into his chair, she waved it over him. Edward expected something horrid to happen, but it didn't. The blood flow from the cut arrested immediately and when he touched his forehead, there was no sign that a cut had ever existed. He had wanted to say something, but unusually, nothing would come out.

Alice glazed at him evenly. "I'm a fairy."

Ah, so he hadn't of been hearing things.

"A fairy?" Edward managed when the information had started to sink in.

Alice waited patiently.

"So?" Edward asked eventually. "A fairy? Is that like being a lesbian?"

"No!" Alice said. She sat down on the chair next to him and pulled it close. Her beautiful, glowy face was frowning with concern.

"I'm a magical being Edward, A pixie, a nymph."

Edward gave himself time to digest.

"I've been out with a nymphomaniac before, but I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of dating a plain old nymph." Edward explained.

"And I've never had a boyfriend who wasn't a fairy." Alice countered.

"Are we really having this conversation?"

Alice nodded at him.

"And you haven't been drinking?"

She shook her head.

"Me neither." But Edward rather wished that he had been. Perhaps, he thought, he was going to come around at any moment and would still be on the brink on unconsciousness in the ladies bathroom at Fratelli's because everything that had occurred since that night had been one hell of a nightmare.

"Fairies have coexisted with humans for hundreds of years, Edward. I am four hundred and sixty three years old. "Edward looked at her in utter disbelief.

"I knew you said you were older than me, but that is just ridiculous!"

"Is it really that hard to believe Edward?"

"Oh, no. No. Not at all. I get drunk as a skunk, get dumped by my girlfriend and bump into a fairy trying too kill herself by jumping off of a bridge." He rambled. Edward started to get a headache and he didn't think it was from the bang on his head.

"An everyday story of ordinary folk."

In the background Edward noted that his dirty dishes were now quietly popping themselves in and out of the sink, trying hard not to attract his attention. He closed his eyes and momentarily and then opened them again. They were still washing themselves.

"Alice?" Edward asked, suddenly feeling weary. "What are you doing here? Why are you in my apartment? Why me?"

Alice took his big hands in her little ones. "You are my mortal soul mate, Edward," she told him earnestly. "I have come across time to find you."

"Right." This was too much information. "You did say _time _and not _town?'_

Alice nodded in a very sombre way and he knew that she wasn't joking.

"Thought so."

"We are meant to be together."

"Alice, you are a very extraordinarily beautiful woman…fairy. Look at you, you're all shimmery and shiny and vaguely…see through. Even though you're knocking on for five hundred, Joan Collins doesn't look that good and she's marvellous for her age." Edward stood up and went to his beer because, well, he damn well needed one. It gave him the opportunity to pace about as sitting still wasn't really comforting in this situation either. "And I'm really flattered that you've come all the way across time to find me, but I'm not really worth it. I'm a shitty boyfriend. Really I am. Besides, I already have a girlfriend." Edward pulled himself up sharply. "Wait!! Bella hasn't set this all up as a joke has she? I'll kill her if she has. I'll dump her right back!"

"No, Edward, this isn't a joke."

For a moment Edward thought that Alice looked very shifty. Her eyelashes were firmly lowered over her eyes.

_Could Bella be involved in this? Could she possibly have drummed this up with Alice to teach me a lesson?_

Women of any species probably stick together. Then he remembered the self-washing dishes and then realized that even Bella, was not that resourceful.

"And actually, you don't have a girlfriend," Alice continued, avoiding his eyes.

Edward's newfound little fairy friend zapped the answering machine with her wand. Bella's voice flooded through the apartment.'_Edward! You are a crap boyfriend!' _she shouted.

Edward gave Alice an I-told-you-so look.

Bella ranted on. _'It's still over between us. I thought I'd better confirm it just in case you were too pissed to remember that I dumped you, for good this time._

She never dumped Edward for good. It was a week, max.

'_And even if you call me or come around here, I will not talk to you. You are not going to charm your way back in to my good graces – or my bed – ever again Edward Cullen,'_

Alice folded her arms and was listening intently. Edward felt that she might be learning too much. There was a beeping noise and the line went dead.

"Phew" he said.

"There's more." Alice waved her wand again.

Bella's voice fast-forwarded to the next message.

"_There's no point in buying a massive, belated birthday present,' _she yelled. _It's too late. Too, too late! Even if it was a ring. A special kind of ring. There's no way that would work. I wouldn't even consider it. I saw you hiding under the table. Hiding…from me!"_

Edward cringed. It had been a very childish thing to do.

'_That was a very childish thing to do!' _Bella shouted.

There was the heartfelt slam of a phone and the line went dead again.

"Shit." It was a fulsome rant, even for Bella.

Alice gave him another knowing look and waved her blasted wand again. Edward was growing to dislike it more and more each minute.

'_I'm not going to be sitting here at home tonight, moping and waiting for the phone to ring. I'm going to be out having fun. Fun with someone you don't know."_

Edward did not like the sound of this.

"_I'm going out at eight o'clock, well…technically about quarter past. And I won't be home until way after midnight. Way, way after midnight, and even then, I might not be alone. I might not even come home at all.'_

Alarm bells were ringing.

'_And I won't have my cell on me either because I won't want to be disturbed. So even of you were thinking of ringing me to apologise – profusely – then you probably couldn't even get me until tomorrow morning anyway.'_

The line went dead again and all that was left was the empty whirring sound of the answering machine.

"Shit!" This was terrible. A bleak feeling stole over Edward. "It's really over this time."

"I think so," Alice said confidently.

"Bella never really dumps me," Edward explained. "It's like a sport for her. She sees me as a challenge…a project." At least he thought she did. She certainly used to. "After she's cooled down – which can sometimes take days – we just get together again as if nothing had ever happened." Edward felt worry wiggle over his brow. "She sounds serious."

"Don't look so down." Alice came and wrapped her arms around him. "This was meant to be, Edward. Your soul called to me."

"I don't think it did, Alice. I'm pretty sure I would've known."

"Edward, you are meant to be a part of me, a part of my life." She pulled away from him slightly and her beautiful face looked troubled. "How much do you know about fairies?"

"Surprisingly little," he admitted. "I studies English at college. Chaucer, Shakespeare and dead poets. They're my specialty. The Fairy course was all full up."

"Fairies don't have souls," Alice continued unabashed. "We need human men to give us what we most desire."

"And what might that be?"

"All in good time Edward. You'll learn. All in good time."

"This sounds very spooky."

"You wont feel a thing." His scary, little fairy friend smiled at him reassuringly. "I promise you."

"Right." He dragged the word out. His lack of knowledge regarding fairies also extended to not knowing if they got irony – a bit like Americans. Call him suspicious, but it sounded to Edward as if there might be a 'hidden catch' to all of this. He was going to take a lot of convincing on this – glitter or no glitter. In Edward's book, if something sounded too good to be true, then you could be damn sure that it was.

"And what do I get out of this deal? Apart from free alcohol and an unusual, but undeniably effective dishwasher?"

"More than you will ever know, Edward," she assured him. "I'll show you how to love in ways you never though possible."

"Really?" This perked Edward right up. Over the years, he had been forced, on occasion, to watch several of Emmett's more adventurous Norwegian films and, you'd better believe it, if the people of Norway were anything to go by then there were an awful lot of ways to love. "Do you want to hop into bed again to test this theory?"

"I don't mean that kind of love, Edward."

"Oh."

"I will show you shades of human love that you never thought possible."

"Still sounds kinda kinky to me."

Alice smiled sweetly. Edward took her hand and she led him toward the bedroom. "I have to warn you," he said. "One way or another, it's been a very taxing day. I don't think I can manage it another six times…in a row."

Alice's smile widened. "I'd like to bet you can."

And Edward noted, with some relief, that she'd bought her wand along with her, secreted discreetly behind her back.

* * *

A/N Hmmm… that Alice is an interesting one isn't she?

Let me know what you think! I love hearing from all of you.

The little shout out to Norway was for my gal Marie0912!

And yes, it is a short chapter…the next part is Bella POV and it wouldn't look right coming straight after such a crucial and informative chapter.

If you want teasers as to what will be happening next with this, and all my other stories, come follow me on twitter under the name LMGoldenEyes

xox


	10. Therapy and Vitamins

First of all, I want to say thankyou for all your reviews! They really do make my day. Something that has come to my attention through the reviews is that everyone seems to be 'Team Bella' while this is not surprising, I want you to think on the 'other side' of things…hopefully this will open your minds up to the concept that Bella is just as much at fault as Edward is! You guys are sooo harsh when it comes to Edward (though some of your comments are hilarious) I can't help but feel bad for the guy!

Also… This is a non canon fic. Just because Bella and Edward are the selected characters in the story description DOES NOT MEAN THAT THAT IS THE STORY PAIRING. It is simply their story that I am telling. I understand that there are a few people reading this story who are usually strictly canon readers and I appreciate it more than you will ever know that you are giving this story a chance. Others…if you don't like it DON'T READ IT!

Okay…rant over.

Much love to my new beta IvyandLime she is purely amazing :)

Anyway…ON WITH IT!

* * *

**Chapter 10 – Therapy and Vitamins**

I poured out three brimming glasses of cabernet – for the third time. My good friends, Angela and Rose, sipped greedily and gratefully. Something truly mournful was played on the stereo – I just couldn't remember what. Something suitable for the death of a relationship. Morrissey, Bob Dylan – that sort of thing. They all worked equally well. No cheery humming required. It was music to slit your wrists to. It captured my mood perfectly. And anyway, I had left all of my girly CDs at Edward's apartment.

"This is fun," Rosalie said with more than a touch of sarcasm.

"Sshh!" Angela scolded.

"I have been to happier funerals."

"This _is _a funeral," I announced dramatically. "We are mourning the demise of my relationship with Edward."

Rosalie sighed. "I bet he's not sitting at home mourning anything."

"Be sympathetic, Rose," Angela admonished her. "Bella was very caring towards you when Royce dumped you."

"Yes, but Royce dumped me for my sister. My entire family knew he was fucking around with her, but not one of them told me. It caused a massive rift and even to this day none of us are on speaking terms."

"Bella dumps Edward frequently for the slightest reason," Angela ointed out. "Is coming home drunk with a fluorescent orange traffic cone on your head every now and again a just cause to end a relationship?"

"The last time he did that, he also had no shirt on and was in his boxers. He also had a sharpie moustache on his face…" I defended.

"Yes, but do you really think Edward would have been artistic enough in his state to do that to himself?" Angelasked rhetorically. "And…I'm pretty sure you found his clothes hanging from the aerial of his car a few days later."

"When he eventually found his car," I added

"I'd go out with Edward," Rosalie admitted. "He's lush."

"He is lush," Angela agreed with a nod.

"Well, no one is asking you. Thank you, Rosalie Hale!" I folded my arms in front of me.

"Remember the boy who cried wolf?" Rosalie asked. 'His mates all disappeared off to the nightclub and left him to it. Girls who cry wolf get the same treatment."

I looked at the bare brick walls of my lovely apartment which suddenly seemed to be closing in on me. I could see myself dying here alone and friendless, surrounded by all my Pottery Barn furniture and statement pieces from IKEA – that was if I didn't get a move on and get a decent relationship.

"I was reading this month's Cosmo on the train this morning and scientists have identified three types of perfectionist. There are those who set impossibly high standards for themselves, those who set impossibly high standards for others and those are desperate to seem as perfectionists in order to gain peer group approval."

"You mean to tell me that Cosmo contains more than just the latest sexual positions and top of the line masturbatory aids?" I quipped sarcastically. Rose shot me a glare.

"I think you might be all three of them, Bella."

"Oh, that's such a nice thing for you to say to your friend, who is clearly upset. Nice one, Rose."

"I'm just trying to be helpful. They say it's a form of mental illness – like depression or…or… insanity."

"I can't help it if I like everything to be just so." I refused to look at my books, CDs and DVDs which were all alphabetized in terms of artist, title and genre. And I wouldn't even dare think about my wardrobe where everything was color coded and had to be hanging in the same direction on the same type of coat hanger. Didn't everyone else worry if the handles on their coffee mugs didn't line up the right way in the cupboards? Was it possible for your life to be too ordered? Didn't it simply mean that I was very organized?

"It might be a good idea if you went to see a therapist," Rosalie suggested, using her kind voice. I looked over to Angela who just sat there in silence. I sagged in defeat.

"That would feel like giving in to life."

"Or it might salvage your relationship." Rosalie hugged me. "We want what is best for you and it would help you if you knew what that was yourself."

I never heard a truer statement and unfortunately, I didn't have an answer to give my friend off the top of my head. I wanted Edward and I didn't. I wanted to be independent and married. I wanted my freedom and a mini van full of children. I wanted to eat exactly what I liked and stay petite. Even to me, as it seemed as if I wanted quite a lot, but didn't everyone?

We all sat and stared at the walls.

Angela was the first to break the silence. "So what are you going to do?" she wanted to know.

"Do?" I questioned. "We're doing _this," _and I gave my near empty wine glass a little wiggle.

"Can't we go to a bar or something and do it?"

"I can't be dealing with being social at the moment, Angela. What if I accidentally bump into Edward?" I held a hand to my forehead. "I might never go out again."

"Drama queen," Rose mouthed silently to Angela.

"I saw that!" I informed the two.

"The thing with Edward," Rose continued, "is that you can rely on him for a good laugh."

"It's the only thing you can rely on him for."

"And what's wrong with that?" Angela wound her legs into the sofa, clearly becoming resigned to the fact that we weren't destined to be going out on the town tonight. "Edward is always up for some fun. He's usually gone along with exactly what you wanted, Bella. How many guys would go salsa dancing without the threat of reduced sexual activity? Not many, let me tell you. Most guys are too self conscious or selfish to go. At least Edward doesn't mind making an ass out of himself.'

"But he does it at every possible opportunity," I protested. "It's embarrassing to have a boyfriend that behaves like a three year old."

"The trouble with you, Bella," Rose started as she replenished her wine, "is that you've never had a proper crisis to deal with. Your life has been a bed of roses. Therefore, you blow every little misdemeanour of Edward's out of proportion. Life can never run as smoothly as you want it to. He is a great guy Bella, if only you would pull the stick out of your ass and allow yourself to see it. To see him for what he is."

"Why does everyone say that? You don't have to live with him."

"As I said in the beginning of this conversation, I wouldn't mind a chance. But it's you he adores – in his own Edward-ish way." Rose looked around the apartment. "Besides, you're not living with him."

And maybe that was part of the problem too. It would be a dream to settle down and live with Edward permanently, but I didn't know if I could stand having him around on a daily basis. Or anyone else, for that matter. I had always been fiercely independent and it would be hard to give up some of that to live in a constant compromise with someone else. I didn't relish the thought at all. Wasn't that the quandary of all feisty young women today? We all complained about men being commitment-phobes, but weren't we just as bad? There was a distinct reluctance among my friends to pitch in their lot with man.

Once upon a time, all the romance books peddled for a fairy story that all your problems would be solved if only you could find a strong, capable man. But strong, capable men were thin on the ground, and today when you found a man, it was likely to signal the start of a new catalogue of different problems. I skolled back the rest of my wine. The option of being without Edward suddenly seemed less than appealing. He was so irritating but Rose and Angela were right. There was a certain something about him – the lovable rogue, the Peter Pan approach to life – the untameable streak. Perhaps a touch of the old romantic hero in him. Whatever it was it was something powerful enough that kept me going back for more.

The phone rang and all three of us jumped; I shot out of my chair. "Oh shit! What if it's him? What do I say? What do I say?"

"Be yourself," Angela advised. "He doesn't have to know you are missing him already."

"You answer it!" and I threw the cordless phone to Angela as if it was a hot potato.

"No, you answer it! You're a big girl. Pick it up, be cool." Angela said as she threw the phone back to me.

"Be cool?" I asked in confirmation.

"Be chill. Chill."

"Chill?" _What the hell was she on about?_

"Very chill," Rosalie shivered.

I copied her. "Chill. Chill. Chill." I jumped up and down, unable to help a thrill of excitement as I picked up the phone.

"You're a useless bastard!" I shouted as soon as the receiver neared my mouth, "and I never ever, ever want to go out with you again. Even if you crawled over broken glass and begged me to take you back!" I smiled over to the girls and gave them a thumbs up gesture, looking for approval.

Angela turned to Rosalie. "Maybe too chill."

I slithered to the floor, still clutching the phone and I couldn't help the look of disappointment that I felt spread over my face.

"Hi, Mom…"

Rosalie and Angela slumped back into their chairs.

"No, no." I shook my head. "Of course I didn't think you were Edward."

"Are we going to go through this every time the phone rings?" Angela wanted to know.

"Probably," Rosalie answered.

Angela got up and made her way over to the wine rack to collect another bottle. "Marvellous. The sooner she starts her therapy the better."

* * *

Edward was lying in bed and he feared that there might well be a stupid grin on his face again. That wasn't an unusual occurrence these days. When he finally managed to find the energy to move, he stole a glance at the clock that lay on the nightstand.

"Shit! Late…again." Edward glanced over to the other side of the bed. Alice had gone again. "Shit…gone."

He forced himself to sit up. He shook the now obligatory glitter from his hair and swung his legs out of bed. He started to get used to the glittery dandruff that seemed to be taking over his scalp, but Alice's disappearing act was proving to be a little more difficult to contend with. Wasn't it guys that were supposed to do the 'fuck and run'?

Edward padded into the bathroom and was surprised to see his overnight guest, as large as life, in there in front of the mirror admiring her reflection.

"Woah!" Edward offered in the way of a greeting as he recoiled in surprise.

Alice was already dressed in a sexy, silver grey business suit. Her hair was piled up neatly on her head in an equally attractive fashion.

"Good morning," Alice said, patting a few fly away strands of hair into place.

"You look gorgeous," Edward complimented. She had a very kissable neck and Edward just couldn't resist paying it attention.

"Thank you."

"Hey," he continued as he slipped his arms around her waist, pulling her back into him gently. "Last night was wonderful, you were wonderful. I must admit though, when I woke up alone, I thought you'd skipped out on me again." Alice turned around, breaking his embrace. She planted a sweet yet sultry kiss on his lips.

"No."

"One tiny thing." Edward shook his head, covering his bath mat with a deluge of sparkly stuff. "Any chance of doing it without the glitter… I don't want it to accidentally…fall…into the wrong place, cause that's gotta be painful. There are some places where glitter just doesn't belong. I don't want a sparkly dick…that's not very manly."

Alice couldn't help but laugh at his rambling. "We need the glitter for the magic to work."

"Oh, okay. Glitter is good then."

She twirled around, showing him her finished look. It took Edward's breath away. She was quite simply the most stunning woman he'd ever seen.

"You look fantastic."

"I've got a job," she announced proudly.

"Great." Edward hesitated. "It isn't washing dishes, by any chance?"

"No," Alice laughed and it was like a cool waterfall on hot skin.

"Well…you have a natural flair for it."

"I have to go," she stated. "Better not be late for my first day. I'll see you later."

She stood on her tiptoes and kissed him again. Edward felt that he could be persuaded to never leave his bed again if Alice was in it.

"Alice, this is hard for me to say, but… there's no rush to look for anywhere else to stay. If you need to, there's plenty of room here. Oodles of it. If you want to stay…"

She breezed past him. "I was planning to."

"Oh."

She wafted out and while Edward stood and contemplated this new development, he heard the door slam.

"Fine," Edward said as he turned on the shower. "That's fine."

He had a permanent housemate. Something that he'd successfully managed to avoid until now. But do you know, the strange thing was that it felt fine.

However, when Edward looked at himself in the mirror, he was brought back down to earth. It was not a pretty sight. Alice was clearly using up his hideously inadequate energy reserves at breakneck speed. His cheeks were puffy – even puffier when he pulled them out sideways. He tugged the rims of his reddened bleary eyes downwards. His tongue was the colour of wet cement. Not good.

"Shit," Edward puffed at himself. "I had better buy some vitamins. Fast."

* * *

So...this took me a while to write, but i think it is my favourite so far! Many thanks to IvyandLime again, who picked up on a very important...error..without her i would've looked like an idiot :P

Happy Easter!


	11. Please forgive me for this AN

Forgive me for this AN. I told myself i would never do this but it is important.

It has come to my attention that some readers are upset about the Edward and Alice pairing as apparently the summary states this is a Bella and Edward fic.

This _is_ a Bella and Edward fic as it is about their breakup and how they grow as human beings while they are apart. Breakups aren't easy. There is never only one person to blame. It takes two to make a relationship work and it takes two to pull it apart. And for a couple who have been as 'on and off' as Bella and Edward…how do you know that they wont end up back together again???

I have removed Bella from the character list from the 'Story Summary' to appease readers as it very upsetting to see that instead of compliments or constructive criticism in reviews I am getting told that I am not giving readers what they want…and that is a Bella and Edward story.

I appreciate those who have come to me and asked for me to clarify where the story is going. Many have you have hit the nail on the head with the concept of Alice being a 'fairy godmother' type character to help Edward grow up. Yes they are together, but will they stay that way?

This is my story; it has been completely outlined form beginning to end. While I may stray from the planned path, the main structure will not change.

Edward and Bella may get back together…I have NEVER ruled out that as an option. There have been many subtle and not so subtle hints along the way that may give you insight to future chapters and what lies in store for Bella and Edward.

Once again, thankyou for all the kind reviews, they really do make my day. I hope this clarifies some of your concerns.

It is something different from many other stories out there. I wanted to write something different and something that isn't so overdone. To be honest if Bella and Edward were already back together…this early on…well can you say boring? haha

Sorry 'bout the ranting, but it needed to be done. :P


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